The Worst Decision was to Marry this Narcissist

I made the worst decision of my life when I married this narcissist. I was coming out of a relationship and didn’t value myself like I should have.But he came swooping in with what I now realize is love bombing. He made me feel so special and so important and so heard (which was important to me). He acted like I was the only one and he proposed in 6 months. He was handsome and I thought I’d finally found the love of my life. There were little signs, and flags, but I let it all go because I wanted so desperately to be loved. Fast forward two years when we had a child. One I had to go through extensive IVF for because he is unable to have children naturally due to an injury sustained during war. Something by the way he knew but never told me making me think it was all my fault we couldn’t get pregnant. He became colder throughout the pregnancy. And after a very difficult labor I needed him. But he wasn’t there. He didn’t help. He’d get mad when I asked for a break or help. And there was always an excuse. It just got worse and worse but I didn’t have a job (I’d taken a leave from my teaching position) and our child didn’t sleep. I was exhausted and had terrible postpartum depression. I was so alone. But then the worst of it happened…his mistress called me. He had been with her and lying the entire time. To both of us. He sent her a picture of our child two hours after the birth with the line “you’ll make a great step mom”. It was fucking terrible. He is fucking terrible. And that of course wasn’t the only one. And it’s not like that was a wake up call for him or he decided to treat me right. He didn’t. Or I should say he only does when he wants something. Worse, I hate myself because I’ve stayed with him. Not because I love him. Not because I like him. But because his behavior is erratic I wouldn’t leave my child with him alone. He’s such an expert manipulator too that when we went to counseling (which he agreed to twice early on) the psycho she didn’t even know why he was there as he’s so charming and well spoken. He’s able to lie to everyone. I’m terrified a judge won’t see what a snake he is and get some custody. So I stay. More resentful every single day. To ensure the safety of my child. I plan for when he’s old enough to get out but it’s soul crushing waiting. I’ve had to go on medication because I’m so stressed and so sad. And no one knows. I smile at work. I make other people feel good. All while dying on the inside daily. My mom just died of cancer. She was my rock. And her last words to me were to get free. To get free before I’m old. I think about how much easier dying would be but I don’t attempt anything because I can’t leave my very sensitive child who has some issues, with him. Or alone in this world. But I want to. And you know, I present as such a fun loving, spirited person. Students love me. But I’m a fraud because I’m so fucking sad every day. He’s broken me. I’m still pretty enough and take care of myself. I’m a hard worker. I work as a teacher and a second job. I take care of the house and my child. But I could never be in a relationship again anyway because he has ruined any trust I have. I don’t trust men at all. I used to be happy. I used to feel joy. And now it’s all fucking fake.

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Sad Relationships September 12, 2025 at 6:18 pm 0 0