I want to give up

I want to give up. It is a thought that has become more and more frequent. Life reminds me of a carnival life. You are waiting, and you see all these amazing things while you are in line. When you reach the end of the line, that's it for you. Your life is over. You never get to experience the things that others have.

I am so tired of this rat race. I am so tired of struggling every single day. I work just to pay bills. I work just to feed myself. I am fortunate in comparison to others. Yet, at the same time, I am envious. I overhear my co-workers and the luxuries they indulge in. They pay for meals to be delivered to them, or they go out every other day to engorge themselves at a restaurant. Meanwhile, I am eating crackers and cheese because that's all I can afford. I hear of vacations they have embarked on. Meanwhile, I have never taken more than two days off for myself. I can't afford more than that. I can't even afford a vacation for myself. One co-worker even shows a boat that they were interested in buying. When is it my turn that I can get to enjoy these things? Why do I suffer, while they indulge?

I'm so fucking tired of it all. I work, work, and work. I can't even enjoy life. I lost interest in the hobbies I had. I became more of a recluse, as I withdrew myself further more. It's so hard to be motivated. What is there to be motivated about? Work hard just to barely make it? There is only so much more I can take. I feel like I am falling apart. I feel like nobody cares. I can't even afford a newer car. I can't even afford a home. I hate this. I hate all of it. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't here at all. What is the purpose of life? What is the point of living at all? So that the gluttons can fatten themselves up while people like me struggle? When is this going to stop?

If there was.a revolution, I'd join it.

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anonymous Other September 24, 2023 at 9:15 pm 0 0