i think my family is abusive

My dad died when I was 11. I’m currently 15. My mom left my brother (14) and I home while she went to work. She told us to clean our dining room GOOD because we have some family coming over soon. And when I mean good, I mean scrub the walls until they are spotless. My brother and I argue a lot, and she said to make sure we don’t fight today. Just yesterday,
we cleaned the living room. My mom said she doesn’t want us to go to the living room until they come. At 4:00 we decided to start cleaning. We fairly divided out the tasks. I started cleaning but then my brother grabbed what I was cleaning and moved it because he wanted to clean the floor. In order to prevent argument, I left and went to my room (and it’s not like he would be doing extra work because he only had to do his tasks, not mine). I waited about 30 mins and went back downstairs to check on him. He wasn’t done, but he seemed close, and instead of going all the way back upstairs I decided to sit in the living room for a few minutes until he was done with his part. My brother saw me and got all pissed and said “get the f**k out!” I said stop raising your voice, and I’m only sitting here for a few minutes until you’re done. He repeated himself. I said no. He then proceeded to grab me (keep in mind my brother, although younger than me, is 5’11 and 185 lbs. I’m 5’4 and 115 lbs) and throw me on the floor. He then sat on me (knowing how heavy is and how weak I am) and started throwing punches. He then banged my head repeatedly on the floor and pinned my arm back so hard it felt like it was being dislocated. As he did this he told me I was worthless and lazy and that i’ll never be anything in life. When he finally stopped, I ran upstairs crying and proceeded to call my mom and tell her what happened. She called my brother, yelled at him and then called me back screaming “I told you not to fight. You always start problems. You are the laziest person I have ever met. Do you know what I wish? I wish you were both dead. I wish I would come home one day and find you both dead. Then i’ll finally be happy.” As I hear this, I proceed to silently cry. She then hung up. And here I am now. My mom doesn’t know but I’m already severely depressed and have contemplated suicide a numerous amount of times. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im just sad. I know my mom probably doesn’t actually want me dead and it was all just a heat of the moment thing, but hearing someone you love say they wish you were dead is probably one of the most heartbreaking feelings. Anyways, now i’m here. Writing this

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anonymous Home July 18, 2018 at 7:41 pm 0 0 6