Parent

Maybe, one day, I'll be free of this. You would think at my age, I'd get at least a foot out of the door, just a chance of fresh air.
Everything is f'd and I hate that I can't do anything about it.
Religious obligation is heavy and I want to abide by it 'cause it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
I have parents who will do whatever they can to keep me under their roof just so that they can forcefully instruct me to do what they deem is necessary for me to be "happy".
As if their definition of happy is mine.
Being arranged to marry someone 10 years older than me is not happiness.
Getting a driver's license is not going to equal happiness (considering I won't even be able to buy a car or pay insurance or anything of the like and it's not that I don't want to get my license ever, it's just useless doing my lessons now).
There's so much more context that needs to be understood and I cannot be bothered at all to do it. Just parents suck, sometimes a particular parent. Sometimes they insult you so indirectly and cut you so deep you want to commit suicide. Sometimes you feel like running away and never coming back. Sometimes you feel so bad because you were raised to never bite the hand that feeds you. But you constantly wonder, how do I free myself from this cycle of toxicity without causing hurt and the pain becoming irreversible?
I can't live with that guilt which is why I'm mentally martyring myself and hope that God sees it.
'Cause if He doesn't, I've got no one else.

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anonymous Home September 17, 2024 at 6:05 pm 0 1