Worlds hopeless

Human beings werent meant to see and absorb so much suffering. If i say yhis anywhere i will be told im privileged- i am! People have suffered far more than i have for millenia. But i can only see so many dead babies in bags and gofundmes begging for medical care or aomeone offering to do tricks for a few bucks so they dont starve. I cant do anything. Maybe i could dump the 100 dollars to my name into a crowdfund-but then what do i do? Am i selfish? I probably am. Im speajing from a place of privilege as someone whos white and is supported by someone else financially. I dont have a plan for when that stops. I cant survive on my own in this miserable world, im floundering and drowning even with all the help i have. I wish everything werent so painful, i wish everything werent some horrible uphill battle. I need to vomit these words somewhere anonymous because ots unfsir for me to put them somewhere someone who truly suffers will see. I complain about the agony of hearing about new corpses every day, i havnt seen them in person. Ive just seen pictures of grieving families holdong something that was once a person. My doctor messes woth my meds because he wants me to jump through hoops, holds my antidepressants hostage whi h has resulted in withdrawal which is making the world feel hopeless. But isnt it selfish to feel so hopeless when i have a home and food and 100 dollars? Im selfish and im a coward and i should hold out hope but i have never been particularly strong willed and everywhere i look theres another tragedy and another person barely hanging on and while i can see my perch crumbling at least i havnt fallen yet. This is probably not what this site is for, and im safe and i have no intention to hurt myself or others. But i cant let people who know true suffering know that im atruggling to endure the retellings

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anonymous Other September 19, 2024 at 5:51 pm 0 0