was it ever enough.

I wake at 4 in the morning. 5:30 Im out the door. Then i struggle through till 3PM. Every single fucking day. Every fucking school day. Monday To Friday. Im in the branch of STE Section. I have THIRTEEN classes. THIRTEEN subjects to pass. THIRTEEN subjects i have to be constantly good at.—The one time i actually joined a contest, in a subject i love; and somehow succeed at, it's the day my own mother and father bring negativity and insults at my face. I held the medal in my hand so tight, it left marks. Standing there like a fool, taking every word straight to my self esteem and heart; Im sensitive, what can i say? I don't want to be easily offended or hurt, but it's the way ive been since i was little. —There i stood infront of my bedroom door, Father shouting, Mother glaring. I just wanted a treat, something to validate my efforts. And you make me feel like i wanted something impossible, something useless. You didnt even give a second glance at my achievement. You only saw the selfish and ignorant needy, me. When there was a reason, an easy to read reason to see; if you looked just half a second more. I was tired, so fucking tired. I regret it, i regret even asking for anything anymore, i should have just kept my mouth shut. Ur right, what i do is the bare minimum. You're right, like always. Im sorry im such s impossible and stupid fucking child. You're right, 3rd place isnt worth it, isnt worth a praise. I wish, i wish some day i heal from all of this, someday i wont resort to thinking of su1c1de everytime something bad has happened. — Someday, ill feel like im good enough, that i dont have to constantly earn and achieve something to be good enough. Someday, ill feel like im worth it.

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anonymous Home November 28, 2025 at 2:07 pm 1 0