Random emotion dumping before bed

I can’t sleep right now and a lot of it stems from having a sensation of imposter syndrome and a lack of motivation to do anything really! Well anything relating to work. I feel so trapped in my 9-5 and it generally makes me feel sad. I have gone through so much at this job physically, emotionally and mentally that it almost seems comical and quite literally insane that I am still here. But the job market is really bad, and even if I wanted to leave, where would I go! What skills do I have to transfer to another job?!? When I think of being free I think of waking up and choosing how I want my day to go whilst making money from what makes me happy vs being tied down to a computer screen for hours due to unnecessary meetings, with the mistake being “important” at work now, so I actually have to find solutions to problems that I don’t really care about.


6 years into this corporate life, and I feel like I want to just end it all, for this can’t be what the rest of my life looks like! I grew up an only child, to African parents at that, and they ran a strict-ish program when it came to “fun”. And there was always this lingering notion of work hard/ be serious now so you can enjoy life later, and to some extent this was true, but it quickly dissipated.

Lets start from the beginning, shall we? I graduated Fall ‘19 and started my first adult job literally the day everyone at my company got sent home for Covid. Keep in mind I had just signed a lease the week prior because of this job!!! So rent was like waste, cause I had immediately went back to my parents house (out of state) for the foreseeable future and worked remote there. My manager, who I had thought was nice at time, kind of played me I feel. Though I had to also admit that I was bit naive as well, for I thought that I had reached the “FUN” part of life after all my hard work from grade school to college graduation etc! I was finally making good adult money and paying these things called bills on my own.

Honestly I am feeling sleepy now…. Goodnight! It was nice having a random place to get these random thoughts off my brain. Which I could’ve finished

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Anonymous Other May 04, 2026 at 1:27 am 0 0