My husband sucks

Me and my husband have been together for about 19 years. We have two kids together but we have four total. We also have a dog two cats and my mother living with us who has dementia. We both have full time jobs. So we stay pretty busy everyday. But lately I've been noticing more and more of his red flags and it's really starting to bother me.

This past month we had to have my mother go to a behavioral hospital. Her dementia is slowly taking over and it's getting worse and worse. She had a really bad UTI and needed extra care. It was a 7-Day stay and this past week we had to go pick her up and bring her home. When we got her home she was still very confused and upset with the transition. I was trying my best to handle everything keep her calm keep the kids calm keep the animals away just so we can get my mother's anxiety down.

He was not supportive at all, didn't want to help me at all. Seem to have zero patience with her. He was just in an all-around bad mood. He basically just had this look on his face the whole time that basically told me that he was annoyed by the whole situation.

And all I can think of was what if this was his parents..? He would be super supportive and expect me to be supportive as well. And he's just not giving me the same respect I feel. This is just one of the red flags.....
It also makes me worry that what happens if I end up at her age with dementia. Will he have the same patience with me.....?

Also my children have been coming to me and complaining about his lack of anything... He works all week and on the weekends he literally just sits in front of the couch and watches whatever stupid fishing show or hunting show or 90-day fiancé brain rotting TV.... My kids call me asking me when I'll be home from work and asking me to bring them home food because Dad is sitting there watching TV and hasn't cooked dinner yet and he told them to go make them some noodles..... This happens about 70% of the weekends. (I work on weekends because he works during the week and we can't afford babysitter so we're constantly at work meaning the other person has to pick up the slack at home....)
I've asked him on several occasions hey turn off the TV and take the kids to the park.... Sometimes he'll flat out just tell me no. Or he'll do it and just have a really bad attitude about it. Then later my kids tell me about how it wasn't fun at all because of Dad's bad attitude. I don't understand because he wanted us to have children together, but he damn sure does not want to participate in anything that has to do with being an actual dad.

Another annoyance of mine.... He has hunting gear, fishing gear, and a shed full of tools.... You think he would be spending his weekends fishing with his kids or using all of his tools to work around the house and do little projects or fix stuff up.... Typical guy stuff, typical dad stuff. Does he do any of this....? No. He constantly complains about how he needs to buy more tools buy more tools buy more tools..... For what though? So they can sit in the shed and collect dust? I understand men need tools. I get that. I get he wants to spend a little money on himself and get himself something nice, okay no problem at all.
My issue is that he doesn't know how to use the tools and everything he builds is either sideways or crooked just not very good craftsmanship. And it just bothers me because I'm thinking you want to spend all this money on your tools for you to build me something that's crooked. Then you get mad and complain the entire time and then leave the tools in the shed for a year to collect dust.

Yes I buy myself stuff but everything I buy is either for the house or it's something that's going to be used every other day or every day. He wants to get himself a welding setup. So he can weld. Weld what I don't know because we don't have anything at the house that requires welding. But he is just obsessed with having this. I don't mind him buying anything for himself but I just know deep down it's going to sit in that shed and he's not ever going to touch it. And then he's just going to come up with some other tool that he needs and has to buy and he just wants to collect tools and just just have stuff.

I like to keep my house nice and neat and organized. If there's something that I have that I don't use after 6 months or so, I give it away to the thrift store. I'm constantly organizing my kids rooms I'm constantly getting rid of old clothes I'm constantly trying to keep everything nice and neat and tidy.... I even organized his shed once. And guess what he did....? Just started shoving stuff into the shed and now it's unorganized again. But he has to buy more tools!!!!

I just feel like I have grown as an adult and he has not. He still wants to act like he's some 20-year-old that just works and fucks all the time..... And he's eternally pissed off about the fact that he is now a 40-year-old dad that has responsibilities and has people that depend on him. And it just annoys him to the point that he just takes it out on us. He doesn't really yell or anything like that but he shows his emotions on his face. And it's like everyday he comes home from work and he has this sour look on his face like he really doesn't want to be at home with his family that he wanted. It's almost like he's secretly resents us. He resents his responsibilities.

And yes I have tried to speak to him about this many times. I have flat out asked him are you sad or you unhappy? Do you feel depressed? It's always no.

I also thought okay maybe we lean on him for too much. Maybe I should try to be better. Maybe I should do more laundry do more dishes pre-plan meals weeks in advance. Get up at 10:00 a.m. and cook the meals for dinner before I have to leave for work at 2:00 p.m. so they can all have dinner at 6:00 p.m.. okay let's organize all the kids rooms and get rid of some of these clothes so there's not that much laundry to do..... Let me organize so everything's easier to find..... Let me make sure that the house is clean before he gets home just out of respect.... I try to be so good to him and it's met with a sour face when he walks through the door.

I am also dealing with my own medical problems on top of all these problems. I had to go to a cardiologist and now I have to wear a heart monitor for a month. I have constant dizzy spells, and I'm just having a hard time on a daily basis... And yes he worries about that we both worry but it just adds to all of it and it's not helping....

I know this seems really long and I can probably go on forever.... Actually writing all this stuff out has given me some things to reflect on...

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S Relationships March 08, 2025 at 9:16 pm 1 0