LIFE

My life freaking sucks bro. oml. why cant i get an acutal break. im not rlly abgry just on the verge of actual depression not gonna lie. like my freaking dog died and that hit me herder than anyone else in the family. And nobody cares anymore, 6 months later, nobody asks how im doing. like i get it! that was 6 months ago! but they dont ask how im doing emotional-wise at all. like i do swim and sometimes get hurt and theyll ask how im holding up but everyone means physically. part kf the problem is that even if they did mean mentally i probably wont tell them. im rlly good at just shoving it all away until late at night and then i let it out. and its freakin intense bro. barely anyone knows whats actually going on underneath. its just easier to hide it ngl...sometimes i tease myself with the thought of suicide and that sounds worse when i write it. but its true. i wont ever commit im not that stupid. but sometimes a car will speed down the road or smth and ill think what if i walked in front of it? it would be so easy....just bam woundnt even feel it....and end it all...but then i think if my friends and family and ill change my mind. i would be happy to leave this world, to end the bottled emotions without exploding at someone, to put a stop to the awful confusing feelings i feel i cant control, i would be more than happy for the blisa of death. but i wont do it to myself. i wont run out of the way if a tree is falling on me, but i wont be the one who cut it down. you know? just wish i could stop these feelings...my anger is hotter than normal...my sadnes lasts longer...i just want it to end..ij just wannt it to make sense agin, like when i was little. i didnt battle between my emotions every day back then. i didnt worry about what people thought when ij cried. i didnt feel the need to bottle it all up. i wish it would go back to the way it was.

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anonymous Other June 28, 2024 at 10:32 pm 2 1