everyone named ethan sucks

Name a person you know named Ethan, and then tell me how they don't suck. Ethan Hawke and Ethan Cohen, and celebrities you don't fucking know don't fucking count. Here's all of the Ethan's I've encountered and why they fucking suck.

Around middle school age, I was around this REALLY FUCKING WEIRD kid named Ethan. His parents were rednecks, mine were too (white trash represent) only the boy just acted fucked up. No personality. 7th Heaven levels of dullness.

Fast forward to my first job. This guy named Ethan was there. Tall, smug ass, pretty boy. Immediately upon meeting him I felt the same unnerving feeling I had while around everyone else mentioned in this rant, of just feeling uneasy and like there was something off about the person. This guy would bitch and complain to the other coworkers about how hard the job was, when he was only there part time. Tried to tell one of the parents who worked there, how him playing football was somehow harder than them raising a kid while doing this dead-end job. Needless to say, everyone hated him and I wasn't alone in thinking he was a prick. He was also the type who'd randomly decide to be a smartass if you ever attempted to make small talk with him. My last thought after my last interaction with him was "You really are a smartass prick you know?" That was on his last day. I saw a picture of him a few years ago. He ballooned the fuck up.

Last was someone who I suppose was probably always a fucking fat ass. He was at this group full of sorry ass social outcasts. I was one too at the time. Only I was due to my shit upbringing. People like the Ethan I'm about to describe were due to their off putting and shit personality. So, it was a "game night" event. I attempted to make small talk with this guy and it was pretty much impossible He acted like he knew everything about everything. Constantly spouted off memes that no one thought were funny. As we'd play games, he kept making comments and I would be the only one to acknowledge him. I did that because I felt bad for him, projecting my own feelings of awkwardness and loneliness and good intentions onto someone who was just a prick. I got the impression before giving up talking to him, that he thought he was better than everyone there. Like he was putting up with me, and not the other way around. If I had to guess, he's probably some willingly chronically online loser living on Discord and Twitch and shit now. Probably still living with his parents, or is just barely able to skate by on his own, and acts like being a kid when PS2 games were new is some profound accomplishment.

Ethans suck.

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anonymous Funny October 17, 2025 at 4:36 pm 0 0