crazy relative

i don't know where to start. It is currently 12:22am and my relative has had another episode. i grew up with the cops constantly at my house or really anywhere i lived. my family is a bunch of addicts and my mom suicidal. my stepdad constantly fought with my mom, though i wasn't one-sided she'd also beat him up.
the point of all of it is, i should be used to it. in theory at least. 21 years of my life, and i don't remember any of it, if you'd asked me a specific question about me growing up i might remember bits and pieces but this day 10 years from now, I'll be able to tell u the exact time i heard my grandma screaming.
this relative will be referred to as my mom's sibling. i have no emotional ties to this stranger who lives with me, i avoid them. i hate them and they are a huge burden on my grandma. my grandma is still really young, but they are definitely aging her. almost every month there's an ambulance or cops at my house for one of their outbursts. they haven't always lived with me though they were always in and out of my grandma's house where i now live. at the end of my junior year of high school they moved in with my grandma, who now sleeps on the couch, back then it was me, my younger siblings and my grandma. we'd wake up early for school and usually right after school I'd go to work which would be stressful on its own, but we'd constantly be woken up by their episodes.
they'd always want to k*ll someone, or someone is trying to do something to us, someone is in the house and etc. anything to fuel and excuse their delusions as protection. they are always high on something or drunk or both. they are a vet and also disabled though from what i know it's only because he takes so many medications that the VA proscribes him that its only there saying they aren't allowed to drive. i was 17, and I've been living this way constantly, its hard and I'm stuck here because i don't make enough to save let alone move out. I'm always making sure everything is okay not because of them, i just want to make sure my grandma is ok, high blood pressure, stress things of that nature that are indirectly caused by them. to be clear no one in my house is afraid of them. their whole thing is to protect us and i see the "silver lining". although i wouldn't trust them to be alone with my male friends. i don't bring any friends over anymore for that reason, man or woman. I'm just not comfortable with it. sorry i guess i should get on with why I'm even writing this to begin with.
11:25pm or 11:32pm i hear banging, this is a normal occurrence, but i feel like i should be checking it out. i still do nothing this is not the first time I've heard them banging their head or the walls not sure which one so i think nothing of it because i also always have the feeling like i should get up and do something but it's always fine. 11:34pm i hear my grandma screaming for an ambulance, this is unfortunately also normal. the difference is instead of their voice i hear my moms, and my grandma saying that they (my mom's sibling) aren't responding. this is the bad part of it all, i was relieved a huge weight off my shoulder. i know it morbid but i was hoping they'd stay unresponsive. i know how much it would hurt my grandma that's her child but to me it's this stranger who lives in my house, who contributes nothing to my family except mental anguish and I'm tired of it. I'm sure I've read stories about how people give up on people they love because of drugs and get so fed up with the anxiety that they'll find them dead that the idea doesn't even fase them. if anything, they want it to happen already so they could just be done with it.
i know it sounds heart-less at some point i did consider them family and they took care of me for some time growing up but i was so young back then that i don't even remember that time anymore. i don't know who this person is but i don't want them here anymore. i don't care for the outcome, i don't care if they are just out of my house or out of this plane. i just can't take the stress it puts on me for having to wait for it and the stress when it actually happens. then having to see the way it effects the rest of the household. my younger sibling who still lives here is about to be a senior, they have a lot going for them and this isn't healthy. i have my own mental issues aside from these happenings and my youngest sibling with the worst problems is thankfully living with my stepdad and though my stepdad is better i know it's better than here at my grandma's house but i would like it if they could come home without having to be woken up by these outbursts. I'm not looking for advice this is basically my life until i can make enough money to at least buy a car, move out or anything at this point, i just want to rant and it's been long. i have friends but not very many, the amount of times I've gone to them is way too much and there's a point where it's too much. not that they don't care or i don't trust them. sometimes it is just too much

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anonymous Relationships April 02, 2025 at 4:02 am 0 0