It’s true

“Hurt people hurt” a word we most understand from being the hurting one
Bu I now understand it a being hurt.
I met a woman on my last day abroad we gave socials you know all that.
We got real close within some months of texting, calling, sharing every single thing.
I never believed I’d find love as I struggle to feel it, that’s why I always stayed away from anything like that. But somehow she made me feel.
This isn’t a rant about her, it’s one for myself, she may have been 10 years older but that didn’t didn't change anything. She would sing to me, her voice is one I’d never forget. She knew I was scared, we both were. I never been with another woman and especially not an older one; and no I knew I wasn’t straight before her.
We spoke everyday every second we could. We was on the same page. I found myself loving her like really loving her, she was on my mind 24/7, no one has ever made me feel that before & certainly not as strong.
But after a bit my thoughts got real, I still got my whole life ahead of me, I’m in college and she works we got different times zone, I love her so much it hurt because I knew we couldn’t be with each other, we was just hurting desperately to wish to be inches apart not miles away. I cried a lot, what if something bad happened I couldn’t be their physically with everything I’m limited, I hated that.
The hard part I found out she had a kid and she is still with the father. She’s the one that got me to stay, she said it’s like their not even together I was blinded by love I should’ve listened to myself and got away but I couldn’t it hurt because I love her.
After I was thinking hard with everything she’s already started her life, she’s miles away. The more I thought about it the more loving her hurt me. I wasn’t cold towards her but I said she deserved better you know every here and there because she do, she’s completely gorgeous, understanding, loving, kind, selfless. I felt like I couldn’t match up with how amazing she was treating me and showing me what love is. But I pushed her away I stopped answering one day out of nowhere and started writing her a massive paragraph that took 3 days, within them 3 days I didn’t get back to her, I was going to send it but then I felt like she would hate me for what I wrote it was a part away message with so much more but with all the good in it too, it was raw & real. I couldn’t find it in me to send it to her. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months.
I think about her all the time, I honestly can’t get her of my mind. I never knew what all her messages said I couldn’t do it, some days ago she blocked me, she had the strength to do something I couldn’t. But why does that hurt me so much? I shouldn’t feel this way only she got every right too. I cry a lot about it everything we shared. I miss her. I love her, but I don’t deserve her.

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Imsorry Crushes April 05, 2025 at 6:18 pm 0 0