Again and Again and AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGINA DNAG

i hate myself. Like what tf did I do to make my life like this. Is keeping friends is hard or keeping my emotions is hard? I dont know anymore lah. Maybe I should just committed when i was 9. I wanted to die because of a friend. I was 9. Fucking nine. And this effects my entire life. This woulnt happen if my music teacher did told my dad about me committed somtimng like that. I relised that not all friends can understand you even they tried to. Today I wanted to distant my own friends in this hostel. Some. I feel like they are better off without me lol. I kinda hate my slibings to ended up like me. It sucks to act all so perfect infront of my parents because I want to give them a good example. I give them money whenever they wanted to buy something at the canteen, teaching them how to surprise someone, letting my aunt blame me for their mistakes. In the end, i accidently distant myself with them because im the eldest. I cant help it but to think if i just changed myself. Will they think im even better? Will they care about me because im kind? I hate human beings so hard that i wanted to slit their tongue so they wouldn't speak about how terrible i am. Im bored to hear the same consept about me. Dont have something new ka? Always tak cerminkan diri ka? DUH I DID I was being sarcastic. Mcm I tak pernah. Ok ok funny lah. If i joke nak marah. Malas lah layan orang mcm ya. You remind me of her. That attitude. It scares me. Bitch can i just fly at a different universe or another planet. Like a planet filled with horses, computer and cats? BYE im going insane. My therapist wont like this. Guys should i find new friends or shopping for new personality???? BUT IM UGLY ASF WTF I CRIED??/ EW. Gross. NAW MY NOSE IS SO RED I JUST PASSED THIS JUNIOR. I FEEL EMBARRASSED. OMG SOMEBODY SHOULD SLAP ME FOR THIS SORT OF CRIME. I should just find a nice spot to cry so it will be so aesthetic. Maybe I was born a painter, I was borned to be fucked, I know what I am for. I'm Qae. I may not be nice sometimes but I will try my best no to hurt your feelings. Im not perfect as you expected for you to see me but give me a chance and youre going to have the best roller coaster ride in your life! I promise as long you tell your problem, I tell mine. If you are loyal to me, I do too! If you suggest new pastries, I would buy the same thing too if i like it. But if you are sad, dont push me away. Say that you need space and i will give you one free! In the end in reality, I had to do this same bullshit because I messed up. Again and again and again and again and again and agian and again...

---

Qae Sarra Friends July 27, 2024 at 7:17 am 0 1