Why is it so hard to find true friends?

Why is it so damn hard to just find people that are just genuinely kind and doesn't use you or stab you in the back for whatever reason. Lately I've come to realise that I don't really have any true friends anymore, they always just insult me behind my back and I know, and maybe they know that I know but they just choose to ignore it. The last true friend I had left me and didn't want to be friends with me because apparently I was disguising insults as jokes, which I never intended and I would never do that to her.


Sometimes I just wonder if I would ever find someone like her again or if I would be able to fix our friendship if I reach out to her now. I really really miss her but I know that if I reached out, she would probably find it annoying and she would block me. I don't want her to block me, she's the only reason that I do good in school, she's the only reason that I even bother to be a good person anymore, she's the only reason why I hyper analyse everyone to see if they secretly hate me. It felt like a part of me was ripped off, both physically and emotionally. It hurts to see that her mother is still friends with mine even though we aren't anymore, it gives me hope that despite what happened, I still have a connection with her somehow and still within her proximity.


I still remember this year when it was my birthday and when she passed by me that time, she whispered to me "happy birthday", I still don't know if it was true or I was just imagining all of it but I miss her so much. I miss her so much to the point that i'm so fucking in love with her, it's so fucking painful that she just one day broke contact with me, no warnings or goodbyes whatsoever, I knew she was paranoid about people hating her but still. I feel sorry for myself but I also knew that it was my fault that we stopped being friends in the first place. It hurts so much to see 2 of our bias in the same group being edited in a "me and who" video on tiktok, because that's me and her, ME AND HER!


It hurts because despite not being friends anymore, I know she still loved TXT. I'm the one that introduced her to them and she even introduced her mom to that group and she said she liked them and all that, I just really miss her... sigh. She's a bamtori and I'm a ningdungie, we WERE literally the duo for each other, me and her have the same energy as beomkai, sigh...

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anonymous Friends December 29, 2025 at 7:36 am 0 0