where i am

im staying with family friends for the summer as i pursue an internship. they helped me to acquire the internship as well as let me stay here so i am super grateful for them. however, every time i am in this house i feel so... awkward. like they are an older couple whose kids are already gone, and they go to sleep at 7. and my mom and the lady are super best friends, as they all met during high school. however, i feel like my presence here is kind of burdening their lives. like i feel like they are working around me and i feel like im burdening their lives.
i try to get out of the house as early as possibel and come back as late as possible, but it is really so difficult to still like sustain stuff with them. like i feel like ive been adopted but like not really and i just feel like i can't even be by myself. it feels weird to be in the common space, and it feels weird to sit in the room by myself.
not to mention, the lady keeps texting my mom things about me like not having a "correct coat" or my eating schedules or what i need to do/clean instead of talking directly to me about it, so I feel like a little kid. i understand there is still a level of care and stuff in the house and that this is literally not my house, but i still feel so awkard. i mind my manners, i clean up after myself, and im not that disruptive in the later hours when they are in their rooms. but still it feels like im a stranger even though we've known each other my entire life.
i also have to spend 10 hours in a car with them for a road trip to their son's graduation, which is all great and fine! i just do not want to anticipate the feeling of just being a tag-along and i dont know how to fix it. i also just dont want to ruin their dynamic or anything on such a big day for them and their son. it just feels weird. i dont know how i can do it anymore. i hate causing problems or sticking out, so i know i will never even speak out about this. i also know that this isn't really that big of a deal, and im kinda making mountains out of molehills. its so weird. i feel so awkward. i think this just might be how i am but who knows.

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anonymous Work June 01, 2025 at 7:01 pm 0 0