tired

i think there is no point to absolutely anything. I am completely devoid of any real connection and im so so tired of pretending like i give a fuck. I cant keep on feeding on delusions of me getting out of this cycle because i try so hard and i care way too much about people who dont appreciate or reciprocate. It just furthens my resolve to isolate and burrow away in my room to rot and stew in my own self pity. This indignation for how selfish people are makes me just feel hatred towards everyone and for what. If theres anything ive learnt is to never ever fucking rely on anyone or hope that someone will swoop you away and save you. There is no point in dwelling in those fantasies yet i still let myself be deluded. I hate the fact that im so sensetive. I'm sick of being told that im lazy, that im not capable and a failure. Despite the fact that I know damn well i can do shit if i had any fucking energy or will to live. I honestly sound like a melodramatic cow rn but I hate being belittled and understimated. Im tired of the self loathing, the anger and the isolation. I feel alienated and even in social situations, i usually easily morph and shape myself into whatever needs to be, happy to blab about nonsense and fake my laughter but now I just feel helpless. Im terrified of the future and the possibility im going to completely destroy myself .

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anonymous Other August 01, 2025 at 7:31 pm 1 0