my shadow

i’m not really good at relationships. i purposefully push others away in order to alienate myself. my boyfriend loves me a lot and i keep being this person that alienates herself and i can feel the toll its taken on our relationship. i always think that he doesn’t like me, that im not good enough, that im horrible. right now im despising how often his brother and his brothers girlfriend come to our house which is owned by his mom which is why they feel they can just walk in and do whatever they please. i’ve been trying to have compassion and forgiveness like jesus it’s so annoying how much stress this is causing me when i should feel good and free. i told myself i forgive them and i imagined myself just chilling and allowing things to be fucked up and sad. but she came in by herself this time and pooped in the bathroom her only acknowledgement asking me if i was in the bathroom. i said no. and im annoyed that her voice is high when she talks to my boyfriend and normal when she talks to me and she says his name like a baby and doesn’t say hello to me or acknowledge me. i guess the wound of not having a social life and her being so outspoken and rude without a care is envious to me. i know she probably has struggles too and the conditions and events that happened for her to be careless are only human experiences that we all share. i’ve been having a tension in my face that i’m trying to get rid of. i don’t know what’s going on with me.

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b Other March 09, 2025 at 6:01 pm 0 0