"clean and proud" does not mean i am happy to be clean at all. i decided to start recovering because i know what i need or what's best isnt always what i want, and at first i really was happy about the development, but now i just feel like something's missing. i will not be relapsing at least until i turn 18 but damn it's SO hard to resist
i cut so deep that i started to see the surface of my hypodermis (which, if you dont know, is VERY deep. the hypodermis is the layer of skin that contains fat) and its already scarring what the HELLIE.
maybe it would be beneficial to add right about now that i have an affinity for blood and guts in nonsexual settings (sometimes FICTIONAL necro stuff). always have. yes it is a paraphilia although its mostly nonsexual, and a very sick one, but i have no wish to change that aspect of myself. im not a zoophile or pedophile and i am happy with that. but although i have no wish to change it, it's kinda ruining my life rn. can't even look at my shock sites or edgy profic garbage without wishing i could dissect myself again
i think the bold angry pink slashes on my thighs look quite nice but i miss the bloodstains on the insides of my jeans. and the awful itching sting, and the delight of there being a whole ass crime scene on my legs but nobody at school, my neighborhood, or events knowing.
tldr i hate being a sick weirdo because it goes hand in hand with my former self harming. why couldn't i get like. a knee fetish or something more softcore
subspace t. mineOther October 15, 2025 at 10:38 pm00
another reason is hate being a sick sick sick puppy is that people see my weird darkship shit or gore interests and think i wish that upon them, would get in a relationship with a child or family, or would physically abuse them or even kill them.
thats their faults completely. not being able to distinguish consuming gore from creating gore, or liking darkship from liking real incest/pedophilia/etc, those are all stupidity. but still it doesnt make me any less embarassed subspace t. mine 4 hours ago
1 Rant Comment
thats their faults completely. not being able to distinguish consuming gore from creating gore, or liking darkship from liking real incest/pedophilia/etc, those are all stupidity. but still it doesnt make me any less embarassed
subspace t. mine 4 hours ago