Is it my fault?

Am I in the wrong? I’m autistic, I have this thing where I need my headphones and music in the car. I’m okay not having my music or headphones everywhere else even if I freak out a bit because of anxiety. But in the car, I NEED my headphones. Today, I had woken up early, had breakfast, read a book and cleaned my room, then I helped my mum make lunch and I sat down with her for about an hour. That was at 1 o’clock. Then we went to do our own things. My mum knitted while watching her show like me, I was watching my own stuff, around 3 she tells me that we’re going to pick up my sister. I was like “yay music time” until she tells me that I’m not allowed my headphones or music in the car. I freak out, I ask her why and she says “I don’t want you on your device any longer” I explain to her that I won’t be on my phone if I’m listening to music, she then tells me very seriously that music “counts as absorbing information”. I’m a big music fan, I cannot imagine my life without it, so when I heard this I was responsibly upset. She then threatened me that if I don’t get in the car then I’m getting my phone taken away. I’m crying at this point but I get in the car. I’m arguing saying that I need my headphones, it’s obvious I’m distressed. I’m literally sobbing and begging (more so yelling) for her to let have my music with my headphones. She refuses and continues threatening that she will take my phone. I shut up and start biting my nails while trying to calm down, she THEN starts acting like she cares and gets me to stop. I snap and tell her this wouldn’t be happening if I had my music, and now she’s blaming me like it’s my fault. Telling me I cause her so much distress and I’m just a pain. When we pick up our sister I’m still crying, shaking and screaming. She says “if you hate me so much then you can stay with your dad” I unbuckled my seatbelt and left the car. The last thing she said was saying that she wasn’t serious about it. Now I’m at my dads with nothing but my headphones and phone, but I’m calmer then ever. I’m just mad. My sister texted me saying I needed to apologize, she’s so dry and I cannot with her sometimes. It was her birthday recently and I spent all my money on her so now I’m broke, I didn’t care because I loved her so much and it still hasn’t changed but she still acts like I’m a snob. atp I’m going to get my stuff from mums and stay at dads for a while.

Am I wrong? I have really bad anxiety to the point where going outside gives me insane distress and I have chronic nail biting habits to the point that my nails are almost gone and the skin around them has been pulled off, but I’m getting better. My headphones recently broke so that gave me so much stress, on top of that I am autistic and everything is so hard for me right now. I have been suicidal in past which was less then 6 months ago, I also just cut off an abusive friendship so I practically have no friends. My family are all complaining constantly and no one seems to actually like me.

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anonymous Home November 05, 2026 at 9:42 am 0 0