i think i am a bad friend?

My memory is bad, and my emotional attachment (or rather, the lack of said attachment) concerns me. I used to have a friend group back in elementary, but when I got to junior high, we gradually saw less of each other, and our gc became a grave. They did say things, sometimes, but I always felt too... tired or not wanting to deal with thinking about how they think about my chat, so I delayed responding, until it was too long to actually respond.
I also had a friend in eighth grade, and she was a good one, I think. We would sit together in every class, and. Well. I guess... to put it factually, I am book-smart. I do well in maths (consistently got 100 on every exam semester test so far), and English, and others. She asks me to explain her stuff often. very often. I remember feeling upset and irked and slightly angry because I was also trying to do the problem, and why couldn't you ask the teacher? (he was nice, and I know that he would have helped if she asked) but no she just asked me instead which ended up with me feeling this weird warm-body hot-temperature thing which always... idk.
she also often asks for bookbinder paper, which i usually carry a pack of to school. the first few times i was okay. but then it consistently happened, and i got angry and cross-ish, because wouldn't you have learnt and bought some? I would have hated to have to ask my deskmate every time for that (but perhaps this is just because I am a...people pleaser. fuck.)
and sometimes she asks me to go with her to the school canteen while I am clearly eating my brought-from-home lunch and I usually more often than not turn her down, because a part of me is like, I Am Eating, isn't it rude for you to ask (genuine question), and I did not want to, and then another part of me is like, a good friend helps her friend, right? and sometimes I go with her.
move on to ninth grade, we got into different classes, I now rarely talk with her except hellos every day. I wonder if she thinks i am a bad friend. she is the friend who gets bad grades on every exam (not exaggerating.), and she always studies only the last few days before exam (same, I do that too) but since you know that you don't understand, why didn't you do things before that? I couldn't fathom not understanding, and doing nothing about that until exam day. I am also not a good teacher. Mostly, my process thought is like A is B, because it makes sense, and i often stumble over words.
point being, i usually end up forgetting people after prolonged no-contact with them, and i feel no emotional burden, and i usually feel like im selfish, but i don't know andwhat

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anonymous Friends December 11, 2025 at 4:18 am 0 0