i hate my dad

I cant explain to you how angry I am. This summer I was in a mental hospital for 2 months, and I just got back in august. SInce then there has been a list of rules Ive been structured to follow that my dad has placed. I need to have good grades, I need to have my room perfecctly cleaned every day, I need to workout everyday and study the whole day. I am not allowed to have a phone, or social media, I cant talk to my old friends from my old school and Im not aloud to see them. I have severe depression and PTSD and severe anxiety. I mow go to a very small school where I only have 7 friends. In general. Im not aloud to go out and see them, and if my grades arent good they arent aloud to come over to my house. Only one friend is aloud, but on special accasions. If i talk back or anything that would result in a privs lost, which means ( I cant write music, I cant watch tv, He takes away my computer, Cant see friends, and then I have to write apology essay to him and complete other tasks to get them back.) Ive been home for almost two months, and with the special rules i am supposed to follow, there is greater amount of things I can do. By the first two weeks I get to have my phone back, the 3rd week I can go out with friends supervised by adults. By a month, no adult supervision and 30 min call check ins. Not only am I not aloud to do anything, its not like I would have friends or plsces to go. The kids at my school have formed a hate club for me and its getting bad. Whenever I ask my dad for something and he says no, he then goes on to tell me the great things he does as a parent. (Like take me to school or doctors appointments.) Recently I was just diagnosed with lyme disease and a auto immune disease caused by walking phnemuna. My grades arent hot right now because every day I am getting bullied by these kids, then having to leave class. Also we only go to school 3 days a week and have 4 classes to take. I am behind because last year I had extreme mental health issues which caused ss attempts at least 4. This next week is my schools homecoming, and I had wanted to go with my best friend to dinner then homecoming. My dad wont pay for the tickets or anything so I am using the money I have got saved up, he had said my grades arent good enough to have my friend sleepover and he just keeps finding things to throw at me that Im doing wrong so I cant see people. He says that i should be happy that he is saying yes to homecoming, which he had already said yes a month ago too. This was not new news. When i was upset because he said she couldnt come over to my house he said that this is a great example about why he says no, because I get everything I want. Which has to be the most annoying thing in the whole fucking hystory, because everything I do is for fucking him. My mom died when I was 8, and ever since then I have never been the same. MY life has been corrupted by him and I have no control over anything. Im not aloud to share my story to my friends about my recent summer or the struggles Ive endured. Im not aloud to talk about the fact I was child molested for years because that is not something that will "help my case". I LITTERALLY cant burp without him saying Im gonna collect money from u every time you do that. Im not aloud to have boyfriends and i cant get my liscens and Im 16. I cant go out on the weekends. And even during the week days when my grandma wants to see me and help me with my homework, Im not aloud to go see her. I have to stay at my house. im so fucking stuck. And the one thing that has been keeping me going is my music. im only aloud to post one video on youtube and that is a privlage for me. If I do anything wrong he will take that away from me. im trying so fucking hard, and he doesnt see. HE told me that getting everything you want is not how life works, and he told me that having therapy is not something that I need all the time, because thats how life is. He then started throwing prices in my face and yelling about how we should just spend all our money. I dont have anywhere else to go. I need support, I need a escape. God i cant do this anymore

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madeleine Home September 23, 2022 at 1:24 pm 2 0