I don’t even know. Whatever came to mind.

I don’t fucking know how to talk to people. Like I know how to and I’m good at it but I don’t have any friends. My only friend was Tucker(my dog) but he died a couple weeks ago. He wasn’t even old and he didn’t act sick. His 6th birthday was yesterday. How the fuck did he get cancer? He was jumping and running around the day before. He was so happy and then he was gone.

I’m completely and utterly alone. And it isn’t like I’m not trying. I try so fucking hard but nothing comes out of it. I can’t really go out and meet with people because I’m legally blind so I can’t drive. The people I do talk to are from work but it’s not like I talk to them outside. I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m in college for a stupid degree. Like I genuinely don’t fucking know what to do. I want to feel angry at the world but I just fucking hate myself.

What I want more than anything is a boyfriend. I just want to fall in love and do stupid things that don’t really matter but it matters to us. I want to take him shopping and to the movies. I want to cuddle and get him gifts for no reason. But I can’t. My area is fucking dry of gay men. I swear there isn’t any for miles. I feel so alone and I feel like I should know how to fix it. Like that’s what I do. I did it with all my old friends. I do it with my family. Like I spend days fixing random electronics for people at work. But I just can’t fix myself. Man I fucking hate being autistic.

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One.Eye Relationships June 15, 2025 at 12:58 am 0 0