honestly

i wouldve rather gone to school today and thrown up in every class, including during state testing, than stay home to recover physically but get destroyed emotionally. plus, who knows how long itll be before it turns physical anyway?
i dread her footsteps. i dread the moment i hear her bedroom tv turn off and the dining room light clicking on as a fresh can of pepsi cracks open. because by that point, i know itll be only moments before she screams out my name. my fake name.
even the dean of students understands that i have health problems. she only sends the absence letters out because she has to as part of her job.
my anxiety is swallowing me whole. what if i have to come out of my room to eat? or walk around to not fucking get bedsores? the backlash hurts more than the stomach pain. i apologized left and right earlier, not because i was sorry, but because i was scared. i still am. what happens if i dare to breathe outside of my room? or eat? because as we all know, you become unable to get hungry when youre sick, and that makes me a fat pig.

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subspace t. mine Home April 30, 2025 at 11:27 am 0 0