Coworker with a nose

I have a coworker who goes around and sticks her nose in everyone's food.

No matter what someone is eating, no matter time of day or where, she comes out of the woodwork, "Mmmmm, wow what is that!!! It smells amaaaaaazzzziiinnnggg WWWOOOOWWW!" and then nose dives it! If it is take-out or delivery, there she is, right on you, "OH WOW! Whadda get! What is that! WOW!" and down goes nose over it!

She does other intrusive and annoying things too; like thinking anytime you have a free moment, that means free time for her, or coming over and talking endlessly about whatever mundane TV series she's into and telling you each character play, season-by-season, verbatim, exactly what happened, and being loud and animated over it, then asking you for WEEKS on end if, "Have you watched it yet!" and when you tell her, no, and you're probably not going to, you get met with, "WHY NOT! GIRRRRRRRRRRRL that is right up your alley! You'd love it!"

If you drive a different vehicle to work, she wants to know and every detail, and how come. And won't stop asking until you tell her. If you're on the phone, she will come stomping into your work area and stand there, right behind you, this looming heavy presence and listen to your entire conversation, then the second you get off the phone, "What was that about!" and then start yammering about her son's video game and asking you why you don't play video games, following with telling you all about why you just NEED to play this one game and how much you'd "really get into it because..."

She makes these wild assumptions she's know you so well, based on one piece of information she randomly obtained, and runs with it.

If you like horror...that means, forever you get to hear about every spooky thing ever, from video games to movies, to whatever haunted urban legend and YouTube video...endlessly...tell you about it, over and over and over....

Same if you dare have a picture up on your desk of a dog. Or your kid. Or a car. Or anything, that means you get to hear about a bunch of random stuff she assumed you're just going to want every detail of and run out excited to become obsessed.

She also wants to know explicitly WHY you aren't married, dating, seeing anyone, and what your intention is for that.

If you don't decorate for holidays--she wants a full body explanation with details about why not. Then all seasons, "You don't even like trees?" and "You don't even like Santy Claus?" or "Come on! You at least gotta love the reindeer! You like animals!" then starts telling you how you "NEED TO GET A GRINCH OR SCROOGE FOR YOUR DESK!"

All through December, "You haven't gotten a Grinch yet???" and "You didn't put a Scrooge yet! You can print one. Go do an image search and find one, print it and hang it. It can like the Bill Murray movie Scrooged, you can put that movie poster up, do you know what movie! You gotta see that movie!"

This carries on, all day, every day....drives everyone bonkers.

But the worst thing; THEE very worst...the ultimate. The one thing that takes the total and utter slice of cake! Is when her got-damn nose is in your ramen curry, or Red Barron Pizza, or 7-11 Big Bite, or taco truck rellenos! And then you can't even eat, because she follows you around, asking questions about it, and wants to have an ongoing discussion about all these different ways you can eat that type of food. She takes up your entire break doing this. It is to the point I have began going out to my car to avoid her, and to or three times she has found me out there and came to my window, or drilled me when I came in, asking why I go out there, and what did I eat.

Now, I leave. I go to the nearby lake and sit for my lunch and enjoy my food in peace. And when I come back...I get the third degree about why I left, where did I go, and did I eat there or go somewhere else and why.

Today I sort of lost my shit on her. It is too icy in the parking lot to go out without falling (and I've done it once this week trying to leave on break to avoid her) and so I warmed up my lentil soup, NOTHING fancy...just a can of fuckin' Progresso Soup, and thought I was safe. I didn't see nor hear her in sight....hurried back to my desk, and BAM, "WHAT IS THAT!" I hear from around the corner. She was in the copy room! (our office is small, and ten people, with one tiny shared "kitchen" area, not even a break room. We all eat at our desks or the meeting room)

She came around the corner, and I said, "It is just a can of warmed up soup Susan." (not her name)

and then.."Ooooh wow....is it peas? Black-eyed peas? Or beans Or lentils? Is it Dal Soup?"

I finally said, "It is lentil soup Susan, and honestly...I need my lunch time to refocus and reset. It isn't personal, but I just don't have it in it to always do more than just want to sit and answer friend's texts and watch some videos for about thirty minutes or so. I am sorry"

I said it as polite, kind and soft as I could, but I have explained this to her...multiple times over the past two and half years we've worked together, and she says she "gets it" and then carries on about "Man, I get that...I need my down time to, and it is so obnoxious when..."

But, she just kept doing it.

So, she left in a huff, "Oh..oh, that's okay, okay...was just going to say I have a great lentil recipe but I understand....we can talk later."

And now won't look at me.

But at least her nose won't be in my food anymore.

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anonymous Work January 08, 2025 at 4:01 pm 0 2