Why am I crying I dont feel sad

I was first diagnosed with ADHD at third grade. That honestly came with a lot of backlashes later on in middle school where I became an outcast, where I would think that my teachers were my friends. Everyday I would get told how ugly I am, how I'm short, I look like a rat or an autistic frog, basically built like a man without the power(I'm a female), told I'm faking adhd, and to kms if I was really depressed. Ive been used for others benefits and I always thought that was how friendships were or maybe I just wasn't good enough. I still have been getting called that till now even as a High School Senior when I'm in a new friend group. This was after a person in my friend group took my supplies and wouldn't give it back till he got to either punch me in the gut or scratch me with sandpaper. I got scratched lol. I found it so normalized to be put down and used I guess I lost the feeling of pain towards it? I was feeling insecure in this new group cuz tho Ik everyone, I'm still new(3 weeks into this friend group). I joined because I have one friend who is almost like a safety net, to be there when things get tough. Anyways, my friend had noticed my insecurities and in a way they know cuz I always have told them all the names and shit I go through. I guess it clicked to them in a way how much shit I deal with cuz they follow up with saying, "I cant imagine the pain you had to go through, being torn bit to bit to the point that you think its normal for people to be like this. The fact you were bullied so much to the point of you checking with me asking if it was weird when you said hi. You never deserved this. and none of this was your fault" Idk why. them telling me that I didn't deserve it and what happened to me wasn't my fault made me want to cry. I don't know why. Idk if I'm sad or relieved. Idk my emotions that well. can someone help. I'm confused. should I be feeling like this? am I even weirder than I thought?

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anonymous Friends February 03, 2023 at 3:37 am 1 0