Vent

Okay so my mom hates my guts, has been toxic throughout 90%of my life so far. Told me that "you'll be a pain in the ass for me in the future" i barely understood what she meant but oh boy I remember wondering why she said that back then. Made sure my confidence was crushed, ruined her marriage and made me her personal venting... thing. Didnt allow me to have a room for myself when the house had 2 more spare rooms. I was constantly crying and depressed, writing it all in my diary. Guitl tripping was intense! Anyhow now im 24, dropped out of college. Unemployed, broken and still crying like a baby. Got told multiple times from my lecturers that i still act like a kid. One lecturer didnt let me take a year off, so when i flunked the year he quickly resigned. Now the college staff is evry hostile towards me.


Both my parents hated each other and kept complaining about each ofger with me and that BROKE ME. It's a miracke that in still alive after the suicial attempt in 2019.

Left my dog at my aunt's because my previous landlord didnt allow pets, then got to know that my dog has died. Turns out the aunt hasnt fed my dog AT ALL. fuck.

Now im back with my mom because well im a failure like she wanted me to be. Tomorrow were having guests, and one kf them gave me death treats TWICE. Im so boiling inside everu time i recall it.

Regardless of this abusive life, a few people liked a cersion they got to see in me but I cant accept any of them afraid that they'll see this fucked up side of me. Gosh what am i supposed to do? Im switching colleges by the end of this year hoping to graduate once and for all. Picked myself up as much as i can, kept going as mych as i can. Pls pls pls for once let me be proud of soemthing i did myself.let me leave that bubble of "failure" and start a life i can.. accomplish SOMETHING.

Im glad i was born but i didnt seserve to experience that childhood. I was alone and under a lot of pressure. I pity myself and im very apathetic towards my parents as a result. I couldn't care less about them. I wasnt taught or shown anything about affection anyways, the only reason they did the bare minimum is cuz of mom's sister.

...some pity me, and i sort of like that because then they are kinder towards me. Even i pity myself lol

Oh yeah, since my parnets are separated and some of my uncles and aunts wants my family to stay together, they call me saying that I should be the one to fix their marriage. Thats the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Theyre adults and they CHOSE to be parents. Their lack of responsibility and immaturity isnt my problem. I dealt enough because of them. I want a break and i want myself out asap. So if you read this whole thing pls keep me in your prayers and wish me luck. Help me grow a bit ;-; i just want some love and support. Thank you

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hopeful Home July 04, 2025 at 5:01 pm 0 0