that one guy

I wish I could say I hate him, but the thing is, I don't. I just hate that I happen to think about him from time to time. Two years ago, he was a new student in my class, and he wasn't my type or anything. I didn't even find him good-looking, but for some reason, I was kinda interested in him. It was probably because we haven't had a new guy in our class for a long time. I don't believe in manifestation, but I think I may have manifested him talking to me. I know that sounds really weird and dumb, but bear with me. Around the first week of school, for some weird reason I kept thinking about him and us talking. Then our homeroom teacher announced that we were going to have assigned seats starting next week and during the weekends, I kept thinking about how we would end up sitting next to each other and guess what, that actually happened. Right off the bat, I knew things weren't gonna last because we were just not compatible at all. Things were really awkward, and we could barely hold a conversation. I'm not the type of person to lead someone on, so I was really dry towards him. Though I would be lying if I said I had zero interest in him. Although I mostly gave one word answers, I get kinda excited whenever he would text me or talk to me and it also kinda felt nice to say 'hi' and 'bye' to each other. Anyway, the seating arrangement changes every two weeks so we stopped talking after those two weeks of sitting next to each other. Looking back, I don't get why I was so surprised that he stopped talking to me. After that I heard he started talking to another girl and honestly I don't blame him. She was pretty much perfect and I would like her too. Maybe I was just young and dumb but I actually teared up a bit. I mean I knew she was much better than me and if I were him I would've made that decision too plus she was into him as well but for some stupid reason I was still hurt. Actually I do know the reason why I was like that, it hurts to admit it but I really wanted attention, especially male attention. I barely had any guys interested in me compared to all my friends. He was one of the first guys to approach me and I enjoyed the attention although it was mostly just small talks. I probably got hooked and craved for more. And also because he stopped talking to me I realized that he was only talking to me because we sat next to each other and that he wasn't actually interested in me or at least that's what I thought so. Fast forward to today at our little graduation party we decided to play truth or dare. It was his turn and he picked truth. My friend asked him about the person he liked before he liked that girl and he said my name. I don't know how to feel about it, I was surprised but at the same time I mean it made sense but then he also talked to two other of my friends before plus when he was asked to pick a girl from our class that he would date, he picked my other friend. This is so frustrating, I know I shouldn't get all worked up over a guy I talked to for two weeks two years ago but I can't help it. Ever since then no other person has approached me so I keep dwelling on the past. Sometimes I look at him just to see whether he searches for me too. I don't like him and I never did. If we were to try again now I bet things would last less than two weeks. I have no romantic feelings for him but sometimes I still wonder if I ever come across his mind. I'm sorry this is really dumb and childish, I should really work on this.

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anonymous Crushes July 04, 2025 at 11:59 am 1 0