Tired

Huhuhuh idk why I'm writing this letter on this website but here I go, I don't have anyone to rant to not my friends or my family, the pain of having both of parents without by my side my mom's in another country working so we can have a better life while my dad I see the good sides of him when I live far away from him but when I stay at his house I see his bad sides, I feel tired of being the oldest child caring the feeling being a burden to the family, the grandaughter they had high hopes and dreams, I was told I should be like my kuya and I'll grown up like my kuya but I couldn't I can't be him, I was smart but not smart enough like my kuya his iq was more higher than mine, he was a scholar at ateneo since gr7 until he graduated from college and he was always with honors/ with high honors and he was also the school's valedictorian
on the other hand there was me an academic achiever who when through series of mental burnouts that has driven me to feel the urge to be an achiever again and to make my parents proud especially my grandmother, I suffered physical but the damaged was more on my mental health at 11 I had already attempted to kill myself multiple times without anyone knowing, my mind set on erasing myself from this cruel world, I lose my comfort people with led me to another set of mental breakdowns and crash outs feeling betrayed by my friends, To the point I wanted to drop out of school because I couldn't handle the pain my family told me if I didn't wanna go to school I should look for my one place that they didn't want me to stay there if I won't attend school, my other relatives for my mother side also said they wouldn't take me in if I didn't go to school I was 12 at that time, at 11 I had already attempted multiple times and at the age of 12 I was seen as a dramatic person for having crashouts and mental breakdown and now at the age of 13 I thought I was getting better but I realized know I'm not I'm still hurting and traumatize for what I had gone through I'm still a minor I'm a kid/ a teen but I already went through so many things that a kid shouldn't experience, I was bullied for my last name my last name was something unique but in my language it meant something else I was bullied my whole life, my whole life I had to act like it was fine, To the point I was convince I was depressed but no one even notice how tired I was, living wasn't just living it was surving this cruel world

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Chloei Other August 26, 2025 at 2:44 pm 0 0