The feeling of being left out

I don’t know where do i start. I’m really pissed at what’s happening around me. I always was the shy guy who was listening all the time when being in a social group. No one even wants to hear me. No one even cares that i exist. I just discovered recently that my friends go on social gatherings without even telling me. There are a lot of examples that i can list and it will never end.

One day, we were in a coffee shop (i met them there coincidentally after my workout as the gym is near the coffee shop). Anyway, someone suggested to go camping after two months so it will be summer time and everyone can enjoy the good weather. So they suggested to the end of June as a date and i told them that i will be out of town at the end of June and if it’s possible to postpone it one week. No one seemed to care and i discovered from social media that they went camping when i was out of town.

Another incident where i was with some of my friends and someone mentioned that they are playing basketball every Saturday so i told one of them that i love playing basketball and i love to be included. Yet, no one ever invited me and i didn’t hear any word from them as they spent the whole summer playing basketball together.

They also go to social gatherings wether it’s in someone’s house or to a pub/restaurant and of course no one tells me to come over and no one wants me with them anyway.

I know that you’re gonna tell me that i need to find new friends but it will be the same i know. I was always socially excluded. I don’t know what i did to deserve all this. I was always the guy who made sure that if someone made a plan, and i was included, all should be included without any exception. I believe in fairness and kindness to others as they are my top values and yet, no one wants to treat me the same way i like to treat others. Being left out triggers the same part of the brain when someone feels physical pain and i really felt it.

I also included “dating” in my tags because it is the same when it comes to finding the woman that i want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m here in my early 30s, can’t find a woman irl so i downloaded dating apps and it’s been two weeks on dating apps for the first time in my life. The experience is horrible ! I had a great conversation with a girl. We talked for hours and hours. We had a lot in common. We made some jokes. We laughed. We agreed to meet soon. We felt that we know each other for a long time. One day she texted me “good morning” and i replied “good morning, how are you ?” And bam, one hour later she left on delivered and deleted her profile. This is the least thing i would expect from her and i’m dying to know why she did this. Same thing happened with another girl but this one we only talked for like one day but we had a great and fun conversation. I was also ghosted by two other girls. They just reply days later and then disappear. I don’t know what i did to deserve all of this. I swear i’m a decent guy who just wants to have genuine connections with other girls and i always respect them, make sure they feel comfortable and at ease. What do i get in return ? I got nothing but a bad and shitty treatment.

I don’t know what to say anymore ! Loneliness is killing me. Everyone that i’m willing to give all my love to is not even considering to give me a chance. If i die today, no one will even care ! It’s so hard to have this feeling. I have this feeling that i will grow old alone and die alone and no one will ever share my memory. I have my mom and my sis who only show love to me (my dad passed away 4 years ago, which is another tragic event in my life that i don’t want talk about), but even my sis is married and is busy taking care of her family and my mom is not even here with me (i live in Canada but i’m originally from another country and my mom is still there).

I just wanna feel loved by someone ! Why is it so hard to find them ? Sorry if this rant was lengthy ! I’ll be back to my bubble in a minute after i wipe my tears off my cheeks. Please make sure to show love to everyone as much possible as you can. Everyone deserves it ! Goodbye

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anonymous Friends March 07, 2025 at 10:56 pm 0 1