tales of my awkward early 20s

I went to some gaming events during this time of my life. The people hosting and some who attended were around my age. There was a guy who was awkward as fuck and kind of creepy who worked at the place and helped host it. It was him and this girl who also worked there. She was pretty, and kind of didn't have much in the personality department. But me at that age, kind of desperate to try to find someone, thought maybe she was going to be my future wife. OMG A GURL.

The people attending, as I said, some were around my age, others were old, or were parents with kids. It was incredibly awkward in hindsight, and even at the time. The older people were mostly creepy. The parents with kids annoyed me, because it felt like babysitting by proxy.

If I tried to make smalltalk with the people my age, it was pretty much impossible. These were very socially inept people who thought they were the center of the room and knew everything. Every bit of "knowledge" they had was surface level Wikipedia, and it was frustrating because they weren't really trying.

The girl was why I went after awhile. She'd act childish and fake, thinking she was quirky. She was just weird. I would try to talk to her, and get mixed signals in return.

As we'd play whatever, people would say stupid little quips. Like what you'd see on an episode of Pokemon, where the trainer is commenting after every move. "OHHHH." "BOOOMMMMMM." "NICE ONE PIKACHU." Or, I remember one of the regulars who was my age would try to make small talk about movies and shows, usually to no avail. I'd try to do that too.

Like none of these people seemed like they wanted to grow up. There's nothing wrong with liking whatever you like, but you shouldn't be willingly and happily acting like you're 12 years old when you're an adult in your 20s. It was just fucked how willfully they were acting like a child, while brushing off any real attempts at socialization and conversation. And it wasn't like anyone was trying to talk anyone's heads off.

I kind of lost most of my interest in "nerd stuff" when I was able to get my first job. Like, I wasn't happy being unable to live my life and having to immerse and bury myself in whatever shit I did as a child/teenager. I still like some video games and Harry Potter and shit, but it's not a big part of my life anymore. And even when it was, I was far less inept than these people. I wasn't happy I couldn't have a life, and wanted one. And I don't get that. Like, I didn't even get to go to school. How did I turn out less fucked up socially than these people?

The guy who would try to make smalltalk and be blown off who was my age. I saw him at my job probably about two years after these awkward ass game nights had disbanded. I recognized him after a minute, but since we weren't ever really close, I didn't try to strike up conversation. He had an infant child with him. Seemed like he was doing alright and had grown up a little. Like, he wasn't socially inept. It seemed like me and him both were the outcasts because we weren't adult children, and were trying to find our ways in adult life, but didn't really know much, and just kind of went to these bullshit events because at one time video games and shit were our world.

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anonymous Other April 19, 2025 at 3:57 pm 0 0