Sick of my ex-friend

I (F20) met this girl (F22) in the summer of 2021 and we were friends quickly. We talked for hours every day, writing stories, chatting, doing normal friend stuff. It happened pretty quick that I just needed to be talking to her all the time.

In the winter I became weirdly depressed. She was my angel, my savior, the only one who understood me. She treated me like I was sick and I thrived on it, on her attention, on her love. I needed her.

I continued to cling tighter and tighter on to her for months. She was my angel, I needed her. She always picked me up even when she didn't want to. I always forced conversations on to her that she was uncomfortable with because I just needed someone to worry about me, someone to be concerned.

I was obsessed. I spoke to her every waking moment. In the summer I didn't leave my room until she was around to text me. I didn't sleep until she slept. I kept fantasizing about running away to be with her, of dying and being reborn as her cat so she'd hold me and play with me, and of living with her and being in her arms and just being hers. Got to the point where I kept looking up how expensive bus tickets would be to get to her town, thinking about just abandoning it all to be with her.

Things were getting worse and worse, she felt more and more suffocated by my reliance on her. At one point I'd made her worry so much about me that she had to call the police for a welfare check. My mental state was just deteriorating faster, as was hers.

It all came crashing down one night a few months ago. We got in a fight over a youtuver and as soon as she didn't live up to my image of the perfect goddess, I completely snapped on her and was tearing her down until she'd agree with me. At the same time, I was terrified of losing her, so while I was fighting her on one account I was listening in on a call she was in and trying to befriend her on an alternate account. She caught me and blocked me.

We only recently spoke again after I tried to make a post exposing myself to the community we'd both been part of and she said she wants me away from that community forever. Am I missing something? Why doesn’t she want to be my friend?

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Candy Friends September 20, 2024 at 7:38 pm 3 0