Retaking the first year of my pre-u

Even though I didn’t fulfil the requirements to promote to the second year of my pre-u, J2, the year which I take my A-levels. I was given a chance by the school and I didn’t end up retaining, conditional promotion basically, there’s like 30 plus people who are in the same boat as me. The thing is, school starts on 13 Jan and it’s in 10 days, if I were to rate on a scale as to how ready I am for J2, it’ll be 1/10. I rather retake the first year than struggle during my second year, but I guess I’m just a human after all. I’m afraid of missing out other things that my batch mates are going through, because I’ll be one year behind. It isn’t like I’ll be alone in either J1 or J2, I have this close friend who is one year younger and if I retake my J1, I’ll be in her batch. At the same time, it’s a hard pill to swallow, the pill that I’ll have to say goodbye to my current classmates whom I love a lot. Even though I’m not really close to all of them, I guess I made a few friends here and there, making it hard for me to come to a decision. It’s 3am, I can’t stop thinking and worrying about it. I want to sleep, but I can’t seem to. I want to cry, but I can’t seem to cry too. I have the urge to cut myself, but it sounds pathetic of me to resort to that just to let out my feelings. I’m tired, tired of all the expectations society and the people around me hold for me. I’m tired of living life through the motion, tired of not wanting to live but having to live. And if you wonder, yes I do have depression.

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anonymous School January 02, 2025 at 2:13 pm 0 0