not sure of a title

I dont even know how to start this, but I feel like Im going insane. I dont know who Im talking to writing this and I might go off topic a lot, Its 1am give me a break. Not to sound egotistical, but I feel like Im too smart for this world. Its impossible to talk about any deep topics or issues with people I know because they simply dont think enough. And I cant talk to people I dont know, because I have pretty bad issues when it comes to socializing, I cant just talk to people, Im anxious they judge me (dont try tellng me they dont, I know they do because everyone judges, including me). I honestly wish I wasnt as smart as feel like I am. And when I do talk to people I know, I somehow predict what they will say, because everything has gotten repetitive. Thats another point, everything and everyone feels the same. Its like a comment section with cookie-cutter comments, but in real life. Similiar to dead internet theory, Its what I want to call dead world theory. I feel like Im the only one who can think freely. Of course I know thats not true logically, and many would say Its a stupid thing to think, but I dont know what to believe, because it seems more like the truth day by day. I feel like the only one who CAN feel like. Im also starting to care less about everything, its been a few weeks since Ive been very excited for something, and nothing even surprises me, its like Ive seen it all. So many world events happening, and I find myself thinking "huh, okay" and not caring at all afterwards. I dont know how to talk to anybody about this in person so Im writing it here. Also do you know that feeling where you completely forget whats happening for a few moments before blinking a few times and wondering what just happened? Well thats been happening to me almost every day for long periods of time. Just today I wasnt tired at all and I remember sitting on the side of my bed around 7pm and I dont think I was thinking of anything in particular, and it didnt feel long either. Then I check the time and its somehow almost 8pm. Maybe its stress and anxiety from school (even though its pretty easy Im somehow still anxious about it, especially things involving talking to anyone that isnt one of my close friends), or maybe theres a deeper issue, I dont really know. It could be from being inside doing nothing but looking at my phone all day, like that much dopamine cant be good on the brain. But its not like I can just go outside and do something, theres nothing to do. Im not interested in sports, I have no friends in town, and all my friends are in the same cycle of staring at their screens all day anyway, so they wouldnt want to hangout either (admittedly in the past Ive denied hanging out as well). Anyway I should get some sleep, even though I have trouble with sleep and just have to hope my brain decides to sleep at a reasonable time. Sorry for this rant, I just feel like everything is so repetitive and theres nothing I can do about it, like Im trapped in an open world. Or maybe Im just depressed, I dont know. Anyway sorry for wasting your time reading the 1am rant of some 15 year old on the internet who wishes he could do something other than waste his best years going insane.

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Patrick Other May 05, 2025 at 9:57 pm 1 0