None of my friends best friend.

Literally what the title says.
I am none of my friends best friend.
They asked 3 different people just now if they could voice chat and i said yeah and no one responded.

Earlier today i told them i was able to possibly come down and visit them in six months or so. (They live a few states away and all six live closer to each other than me.) I even offered to drive out and meet them. No one responded. When someone did hours later it was to say they couldnt take off work for any of those days.

One of them was depressed so i offered to stay up and talk with them. They hung up on me saying they were going to sleep and then i see them talking to someone else right after. I check back 2 hours later and theyre still with the other person.

Everybody wished everyone a happy holiday except me. Even though i wished it for all of them.

Im trying not to message them too much in case its that ive been annoying them but they dont even notice im gone.

No one does.
And even when i try to talk to my girlfriend about it. She just ignores me and changes the subject.
At work people ignore me when they can.
At church people ignore me when they can.
Im a burden to everyone.
My only contribution was that i could work to help them and my family when they needed it. but now that im injured i cant even do that.
I cant do anything right. Im so irritating and awkward and im such a stupid burden to everyone else.
And my brain keeps rellaying horrible thoughts and wont stop. Why cant i have a normal brain? Why cant i just be ok? Why cant i be happy? Why cant i be normal like everyone else? Fuck i try to be nice to everyone and in my head i just keep feeling judged and hated! I cant take this!! It feels like the world itself hates that i exist!! Like im a mistake!
My friends my family everyone. Theyd all be better off if i wandered off to the woods and dissappeared. Or if i found a hole to crawl into and buried myself.

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Grub Friends November 30, 2025 at 4:58 pm 0 0