no one in my family understands me

my parents (specifically my mom) ALWAYS yells and scolds and lectures me about everything. and it always leads back to my studies and grades. but what she doesn't know is that i worked my entire summer off to learn a whole new math course on freaking khan academy to get 'ahead' this year. i did that while watching my friends' stories about going to the beach and leaving the country. and she knows that i did that. but she doesn't remember or refuses to acknowledge it. and currently, i'm trying to get into this school program thing, which gives me so much pressure and anxiety because not only did my big brother get in so my parents have the expectation for me to do so too, but there's like 100 students, probably more, applying too. and i like to update my mom about what's going on. but she just lectured me about how i don't problem solve apparently on my own. but what she also doesn't know is that the stupid program thing has been taking over my thoughts every. single. day. does she not think i try in anything? and everyone tells me to talk it out with her. i cannot. it'll go one of two ways: either she interrupts me and starts scolding me about my grades (yet again), or i'll overthink and not do it. and i know that's partly my fault. but i get physically ill whenever they yell at me. one time, only a few months ago, both parents were yelling at me. it first started about how i 'don't clean up after myself' to school and my grades (obviously). and i literally started get so dizzy and teetering back and forth. i told them, and they said something along the lines of "this is exactly what happens when you don't be organized. just go to the bathroom" so i did and sat on the floor of said bathroom and cried. speaking of which, i'm starting to cry more now. whenever they finished lecturing me, i walk straight to my room, close my door, and cry into my arms and silently scream until i get tired. so yeah. basically i have a fear of my parents. i don't know what i'll do when my big brother goes to college next year.

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anonymous Home September 06, 2025 at 11:13 pm 1 0