My mother scapegoated me on 911, my birthday

Idk... I'm fucked up.. my heart isn't, well it's getting colder, it's gods heart. My childhood is on hold, despite never having one let alone a fun normal life that, didn't suck... Sometimes it's okay to be lonely.. not when you die cold in hell. Stuck in it.

Even hell looks at me and the devil.

I'm in a diseased dead body, with nothing but either a drive for hope or giving up..

Ya my "mother" threw me out for my third sister(different dad, again) she's kind of a whore. So many men. So many men. Maybe that's why I grew up with herpes on my dick. Like where did it come from?... Ya. No woman would touch me if I could bring back Jesus and procreate.

Plus I'm simply fucked up because I had no childhood, muttering, or whatever. Neglect is abuse when you watch your kid die on the streets and tell him to get a job after obtaining housing. Like disability doesn't pay Jack shit. I blew it in a day? No 2 days all on alcohol cigs and weed. And other shit idk where it went...

Housing doesn't even have fucking Razer's so I can clean my face up and get the beer cans out of the shower. A bomb went off in my room, food on the floor, stinking up. Kinda lonely. Empty. No hope.

The minute I say suicide there's a wellness check so even if I pray for it it's either total non blackout, going to the void, or keep on going. My brain shrank. I have cancer. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

I'm just a catalyst indigo, even I have some soul and honestly to admit my struggle on the web, like sometimes I wish I was a normal human.

I know more shit like hoaxes, conspiracies. I know in my heart fixing life is possible but believe me it's fucking hard when your mother only cares about your younger sister.

Like my older sister, I'm a middle child boy at heart. 26. Know what killed me big time? And it's killing me now.. my mother had a fucking baby with a slimy Venezuelan who broke the law to get into this country he shouldn't even fucking be here. That spoilt little bitch, daisy, she's my downfall. I hope she dies. I know favorite child psychology and... Ya.. idk. I don't care if she's left handed talented or can play fucking violen.... It ruined my fucking life..

I'd wish death on my little sister so my whorebag slut fuck mother dies too...

My dad is a Balfour, were Scottish from 13th century. Not even he wants me or raised me properly.. he's fat. While I'm slimy as fuck starving because I spend money on alcohol.. if I get my quarterly tax return... I might get drunk but I'm extremely close to death. I feel it in my gut and my bones.

I have cancer. :( it sucks. I can't believe I'm here already... Death. It's scary. I'm afraid..

Like I'm pestilence, but in this alternative reality, believe it. I have gods heart. And I killed god because my family killed me. I call it the chain effect. It sucks. I hate generational curses..

Let's say I'm related to Hitler, reincarnated as a chance of salvation. I know some family secrets.

It's like yin and yang... I'm not actually racist.. I don't care about colors or ethnicity. I see people as a unity and slight differences. There is always reasoning.

I'm so lonely I have no soul.

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Figure it out Religion October 02, 2025 at 4:03 am 0 0