My friend and I went to a club when we were in our early 20s. I had only recently begun drinking alcohol, but he was already an old pro. He and I had known each other since we were around eight years old, and he had always been the most "adventurous" of my friends: taking stupid risks, driving dangerously, etc. On this night, he wanted to see me fall-down drunk, because he was convinced that I would be hilarious when all liquored up. He drove us to the club (promising to stay sober and drive me home safely) and bought me four Long Island Iced Teas. I didn't feel the effects right away. While the alcohol was slowly working its magic, however, he came up to me at the bar and said he was going to get drunk after all, and we could just "sleep it off" in the lobby. I was in no position to disagree at that point, so I drunkenly nodded my assent.
The next thing I know, I am off my barstool and dancing like a wild man on the floor. All inhibitions gone, all cares dissolved. I was everybody's best pal in an hour of unabashed drunken foolishness, without a care in the world. I was in the lobby babbling incoherently with strangers, when suddenly they started dragging my friend out of the club. He had gotten completely plastered, passing out on the dance floor. The head bouncer knew us, and although he was pissed at us for making a scene, he called a taxi for us. I dragged my friend into the cab and gave the driver a twenty from my friend's pocket. He dropped us off, and I dragged my friend inside, having enough sobriety to remember to place him on his side in case he vomited. Then I crashed on the living room couch.
I awoke to see him in the bathroom doorway, rising, dropping his pants to the floor, and curling up on the floor in front of me. The next morning, I awoke to find him still on the floor, naked from the waist down, and a big pile of his shit on my bathroom floor. I started kicking him and told him to clean the shit up by the time I got back from work. I got home that night; he was gone, but his pile of shit remained.
He died a few years ago. Several of his friends were asked to speak at the funeral (myself included), and one of the old gang was actually worried that someone might start telling some bawdy or embarrassing stories like that in front of his family. None of us, fortunately, are that stupid. In fact, the only one who might have done something like that was the one in the coffin.
anonymousFriends September 18, 2023 at 3:14 pm00