My first love

I am tired of still being defined by someone who I liked when I was fucking 12. I STILL fucking worry about hearing my dad bringing this bitch up just to upset me.

She was not a good person. I loved her. I think she might have cared, but I'm the end DID string me along while keeping me at an arms length. All the flirting and shit in the time leading to doesn't really excuse that.

This was not a healthy situation. Maybe it was my first exposure to "love" but was not good. I'd never want to be in a bread crumb trail like that again with anyone.

And what would have happened if we had worked? I'd be miserable and in constant fear of losing her, because she was so hot and cold. Shit parents aren't an excuse because my parents were the same and my childhood was worse.

That said I'm not the alcoholic that you are. I haven't aged about 15 years in ten. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't live in constant drama because I've had enough of that shit and value the stability I've chiseled out for myself.

I don't live clinging to having been "popular" in high school because I wasn't. I was just kind of there in school and didn't like the cliquey asshole. You however played that shit and acted like Quinn from Daria at your worst. When we'd be in off periods I'd fucking tell myself you're as shallow as Quinn from Daria. You were bitch.

So, yeah. My first love was a cold, bitchy person who came from the same type of shit that I was in. Only I grew up and distance myself from bad people and chiseled out my own life and identity. You however have become an alcoholic whose been divorced multiple times.

I can stay awake just to hear you breathing. I had my dad bringing her up to hurt me, probably thinking me and her are fucking in secret, and my mother who thinks I am gay. And? I don't have much to do with either. I'm not a loser like them. Fin.

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anonymous Relationships May 31, 2025 at 3:28 pm 1 0