Love

You fall in love and spend the rest of your life wanting to get that feeling back. Even if the situation wasn't good to begin with.

My first love was someone who came from the same shit as me. We both liked each other, but were both very afraid and closed off in our own ways. A very brief period of reciprocity, followed by years of off and on cold shoulder bullshit.

I don't see or know of any couples or anyone together whose truly into one another. It's always one person chasing the other, and this endless back and forth, until eventually someone steps away.

I have known many people who were in supposedly serious relationships/marriages who fucked around. Right after engagements, flirting like no tomorrow. One week from a wedding and begging for dick from someone else. Of course the old as time scenario of spouses cheating. Always has been this way.

So, my first love wasn't a good person. In many ways broken like how I was, only I went on to improve on myself, they didn't and are now an alcoholic from the looks of things.

Am I in a relationship? No. The women who like me, I don't like. It seems like they are too clingy, and try too hard to get my attention.

My natural draw is always on trash. The first love wasn't trash, but it doesn't matter given that this is what my retard brain naturally is drawn to.

So, I'll be out around the overbearing, annoying, sitcom acting women who at first glance I can tell are on drugs. I'll objectively know there is noooo fucking way I'd ever subject myself to a shit situation with them, but my mind starts to get this feeling like I'd want to be with them. Then I have to argue it with myself as I see the erratic behavior, get annoyed (but don't show it) by their flirting, and eventually after seeing enough of their behavior am completely turned away. I just hate how my tard mind works.

Go ahead and bitch at me. Tell me how I don't like the women who seem to be emotionally available, and am drawn towards the unstable types since it's not only what I know, (probably) what I unconsciously think I deserve, and some part of my chimp brain thinks if I can make it work with someone like this then maybe it somehow undoes everything wrong from my past. Maybe if stable women weren't so boring.

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anonymous Relationships June 22, 2025 at 5:00 am 0 0