I’m average

I’m so fucking average. I’m average in everything. School, looks and even my fucking mental illness if you can even call it that.

I hate being complacent with average. I can’t even be bothered to rant because I feel what’s the point. What’s the point in trying to be the best if it will never ever happen to me. I will always be scum and basic and boring and uninspiring. Why do others get to be exceptional at a particular thing but I SMACK BANG AVERAGE IN EVERYTHING. Like despite my good grades (classed as higher grade in my country) yet in my school, I’m average and maybe not even. That’s one thing I’m shit at.

Next my weight. I’ve always been on the lower end of the weight spectrum naturally given my height. I then developed anorexia and dropped to a BMI of 14 yet that’s not extreme enough and once again, FUCKING AVERAGE AND NOT REALLY DANGEROUS AT ALL. Even my behaviours. I’m just not anorexic enough. Along with other mental problems I have, I just can never seem to be able to take it far enough and seem to get complacent. It’s annoying, why the fuck can’t I just be extreme in something.

My drawing skills are good yet no one pays attention to them and actually they aren’t really all that impressive. Anyone could do it so I’m average.

I was made to do an aptitude test (along with other classmates in my year) and they allllll were on the higher ends in at least one thing but me…. I was average across the board. I even had my teacher say those exact words to me.

My height is nothing special, my looks are nothing special, my life is boring and nothing special. The only thing that is off about me is my desire to be extremely mentally ill and emaciated yet I’m failing to fall below a BMI of 16 despite relapsing TWICE to a BMI of 14.

For fucks sake, I’m from 3 different countries and can only speak English. Even my name, Isabella is common. Everything about me is common. Why am I common.

Why am I a pussy. I can’t even kill myself because I’m scared I’ll do it wrong and fail or that it will hurt . Part of me thinks that it would never work because that’s how life is for me. I can’t push myself to be the best at something or do something shocking.

I’ve started vaping and smoking and even thought about doing drugs or escorting just to feel special or so something shocking. I’m bloody boring and plain.

I even fail at sex. I can’t even orgasm during sex. What the fuck kind of human being and woman am I.

I would dream of dying.

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Isa Body May 20, 2025 at 8:37 pm 0 0