I'm not sure how if this can help you, but have you looked into professional help? It might help you in the long run. It seems like it's hard for you to stay positive right now as it can be tiring to always keep trying with no results, but I like to think that even the thought of trying to get out of your state and not giving up on trying is what really counts and that's progress in itself. I don't know what happened in your life or what's continuously will happen and I won't say that I understand, or I know what you feel cause we all got something different inside us that we always try to change. Please don't give up! The fact that you keep trying to show people you care even when your low is an effort to be remembered. I don't know what gets you angry most or lash out at people, there's always a reason to why you become or is like this. This might be hard to listen to, but I want you to know that you can change. It might not be fast or quick, and it will take a lot of falls and getting back up but each time you catch yourself messing up just know it's an opportunity to change something different. If I were to generate a scenario such as you getting angry at a sibling and then you lashed out a second before you think, if your able to recognize that you said something mean try to also pause yourself and walk away to calm down. And if they try to stop you, communicate that your sorry for what you said and need to communicate with them at a different time and as you walk away try to recollect yourself or use some sort of coping mechanism and when you're ready go back to tackle that situation again it gives not only you to calm down but the other person as well. That could help maybe but this is only a scenario. I'm going to offer you another thing I know this might not work and you don't have to try this but once you start feeling like you're in an endless loop maybe if you could step back and look around you and decide to do something totally different out of your routine of endless wars with yourself might help? Maybe randomly go outside ride a bike or just walk, take in the nature or the wind around you maybe go to the beach or a big lake with friends. I think trying to step out of your own head can help sometimes. I like to think that sometimes we just need a break from our own heads cause we can get a bit lost in there and I think it could be nice to do something different randomly it could be as simple as going outside and buying ice-cream I'm not sure what your life is like and like I said before, you don't have to take what I say I just hope that my words can be a consolation for you, I hope you can find comfort and some motivation out of my words. I know this out of my place to say these things and I'm sure you tried everything to get out of your state and I pray that someday you will be able to get out. I want to say more but I'm not sure It will help I pray you can find a light in your life that helps you to keep going. I'm sorry this happens to you but don't give up you have the same capabilities as everyone else. Try not to put yourself down, you can do this! And you will make it out of this. Please remember that this all depends on you whether you want to keep going or not and I hope you decide that you do.

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cas 32 minutes ago

Thank you that really means a lot to me. I will try and your right that I think my thoughts are incessant and loud but I really appreciate your advice and kindness ❤️

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anonymous 21 minutes ago