I don't hate her I don't

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

I dont understand why she can turn a blind eye to my sister's secret boyfriend, her secret crop tops, her chavvy friends EVEN THOUGH MY MUM KNOWS. SHE KNOWS AND STILL TURNS A BLIND EYE BUT SHE WILL POINT OUT MY FLAWS AS IF THEY'LL DECIMATE THE EARTH.

STOP CONCERNING YOURSELF WITH ME, LEAVE ME ALONE.

I DON'T CARE THAT YOU THINK I SHOULD DRIVE, I HATE MY INSTRUCTOR. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU THINK I SHOULD COOK, YOU NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I DO KNOW, YOU NEVER LET ME. YOU SAY I DONT HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING BUT HOW ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH AM I MEANT TO WHEN YOU NEVER ASK FOR HELP.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ YOUR GODDAMN MIND????

I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE GODDAMN LIFE TRYING TO PLEASE YOU, WHY AM I STILL TRAPPED HERE. WHY ARE YOU RAISING HER PERFECTLY WHEN YOU'VE OPPRESSED ME MY ENTIRE LIFE AND NOW EXPECT ME TO LIVE UP TO STANDARDS THAT CAN'T EXIST FOR ME.

I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO HATE YOU AND YET ALL I FEEL IS ANGER, FRUSTRATION, ANNOYANCE WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.

YOU'RE MY MOTHER. WHY CAN'T YOU TREAT ME LIKE A HUMAN? LIKE YOU'RE DAUGHTER???

I learnt to control my anger for years. She's the reason I can't stop it anymore. I can’t stand her. The favouritism, the lies, the deception, the slyness, the two facedness, the quips, the backstabbing, the slandering, the "embarrassment and shame" i cause her, the demeaning manner she treats me with, like I'm inferior to every other person in this household.

When I commit suicide, which is a matter of when not if anymore, I hope I get the chance to make her watch me do it. I hope she feels as she watches, i hope she'll see the agony she's caused me my entire life.

In my suicide note I'll write very clearly that it was because of my parents.

I still can't get myself to hate them though.

I hate being the oldest

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anonymous Home April 25, 2025 at 7:53 am 0 2