helpful friend ?

you know what fucking sucks the most? i ranted to my trio, i opened up, i told them straight up how hurt i was over everything — like genuinely poured my heart out, like i actually thought i was safe there. and instead of comfort or understanding, one of them — one of the people i trusted the most — tells me she’s gonna “test” him. like my feelings were just part of some stupid little social experiment. like all the pain i was trying so hard to swallow meant nothing. she said she wanted to see if he’d flirt back. she went and messaged him, knowing damn well how much i like him, how deep this shit cuts me, and she still did it like it was the most casual thing in the world. and now i’m just stuck here spiraling, because what the hell do i even believe? she said if he ever agreed to put a relationship status with her on their facebook accounts — she’d “vanish his account.” like that’s supposed to make me feel better, like that’s supposed to be some kind of comfort. but honestly? it doesn’t. because why the fuck is that even part of the conversation? why the hell is she even putting herself in the position to be someone’s girlfriend for a test? why is this even a scenario that’s playing out? and the worst part is i can’t shake the feeling that they’re talking right now. like as i sit here, sick to my stomach, they’re still out there having conversations i’ll never see, exchanging words i’ll never know about, while i’m stuck here trying not to drown in my own thoughts. and i hate this. i hate the way it makes me feel like the world’s biggest fucking fool. i trusted her. i believed she was the one person who wouldn’t twist the knife deeper. i believed she wouldn’t do me dirty, especially not like this. but now all i can do is sit and wonder — what the hell is real? what’s a lie? is this really all just one big test like she said, or am i the dumb one for thinking she’s not playing her own game? because the way my gut’s twisting right now, i don’t even know what to believe anymore. all i know is it fucking hurts. it hurts that i had to find out they even had a relationship status on their facebook. yeah, they hid it from their profiles, but one click on “see more about him” and there it is. plain as day. like some inside joke i wasn’t in on. like i was always the outsider in this whole thing. and it’s not even about jealousy or paranoia. it’s about the fact that she knew. she knew how much i liked him. i fucking told her. i sat there, vulnerable as hell, and she still chose to go along with this bullshit plan like it was harmless. like my feelings were just disposable. and now i feel like the most replaceable, the most unwanted, the most pathetic person alive. i’m sitting here questioning if anything anyone says to me is even genuine. i don’t know if she really meant what she said about “vanishing” his account, or if it was all just another line to keep me calm while they keep talking behind my back. and the thing is — we aren’t even together. that’s what fucking tears me apart the most. we’re not even in a relationship, we’re not official, and i’m already this wrecked over him. over a person who couldn’t even give me the bare minimum of effort, over someone who made me feel like i was a placeholder from the start. and now? the person i thought would have my back is out here treating this like some fun little experiment. and i can’t even be mad properly, because there’s this little voice in my head telling me i’m being dramatic, i’m overreacting, i’m too sensitive. but am i really? or am i just realizing too late that people aren’t as loyal as they pretend to be?

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e Relationships April 16, 2025 at 10:16 am 1 0