Fuck me in the ass i wanna die

Depressed, manipulative, and a fucking masturbation addict. I'm a fucking loser and I wanna die. I wanna die so much its killing me.

I just had a fucking episode again. It always fucking happens at the end of every school year. One day its great, Im doing great! But the next moment it isnt anymore. Theres so much work to do and one missed activity, i dont know how to work anymore. Like my brain cant make itself function.

I dont know how to fucking cope and i keep telling myself i dont need a counselor anymore because i recovered now, the fuck i need it for? Maybe i was just pretending or maybe i was just faking the irrational decisions, the crying spells, all that bullshit. But k know i didnt. I know it wasnt fake.

But whats truer than true that i knew about my behavior? Is that im a manipulative freak. Yeah i spin tales about my fucking miserable ass to make people look at me with pity or sympathy. Its not fucking true. Im a liar a big ass goddamn motherfucking liar and you should get away from me because i am a manipulating sicko.

I dont wanna go to school. I dont want to because i know what i will do. I will act like someone who just got traumatized when in fact i just had a bad episode. Im gonna act like someone who doesnt wanna talk when in reality i really wanna fucking have someone to listen. I want someone to understand me. Im so lonely im so scared and so anxious.

Please make me stupid. Make me not overthink. I hate feeling this way. I dont wanna feel like this anymore.

---

anonymous School March 03, 2025 at 11:45 am 1 0