Dumb? Probably. Annoying? Definitely.

I feel like a fucking toddler. I have no tolerance for frustration or my own incompetence. I don't understand, FREAK OUT, then scream or cry so I don't hurt myself (hitting my legs/head or cutting).
It's amazing that I'm a grown adult that has fucking tantrums alone in their room. I literally have thought about killing myself because of a problem with schoolwork. I just get so quickly and absolutely overwhelmed, where everything seems pointless. Then I scream or cry. Then what. THEN WHAT. It helps no one, I'm not going to fucking kill myself, so that thought is just irrelevant and annoying to hear (plus hard to believe, even if for a few moments). Idk what I'm even saying now, just unloading. I just feel so fucking dumb. So dumb so often. And it's like.... Well you will be dumb if you give up on stuff that's hard to understand. A dumb person believes that they don't need to know how to do something because it's hard and they won't use it. I don't want to take the easy route,but fuck sometimes that feels like all I can handle in this overstimulating time. I just wish I could pause time. Or maybe it's cruel to wish to have never been born at all. What am I even saying? I'm just sad and overwhelmed. Fuck this life we've made. Everyone seems overwhelmed and sad. I just want to be happy but I don't know what it means anymore.

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I'm good, thanks School March 17, 2025 at 1:23 pm 0 0