completely random

honestly, I don’t know what I’m gonna write here and I might just use voice to text because of how much I’m feeling and how little words I can put into text sometimes I just feel so alone and I don’t know what to do with myself. I haven’t been in a relationship for over two years and I’ve only ever been in one relationship. I’m currently 18. It’s a really depressing feeling to be alone all the time and not feel wanted by someone except for online people see me online and assume oh she’s so perfect. You’re so beautiful but I present myself that way, so people will think that I feel disgusting and ugly in real life and unlovable and yeah, I do nothing to change it. I started going to the gym for 2 to 3 months straight and then dropped it because I kept seeing everyone around me looking just so great and I didn’t see any progress with me. I hate that I feel like I have to change myself to be loved by someone but I hold people to such high standards. That’s unfair. I myself I’m not very pretty but I really like the idea of dating someone that is pretty/handsome but I feel like I’ll never have a chance unless I changed myself with someone like that and I don’t wanna lower my standards or change my taste in someone because of how I look, but that wouldn’t be fair to them because they want someone to match their whole persona or something like that. I just want to be seen by someone and not be so picky I have no room to be picky and yet here I am I just want to feel something with someone that isn’t Limerence. I fall very easily and then once my partner falls I lose attraction and I don’t know why maybe it’s because I didn’t like them in the first place? But I know I had feelings for them and I would say I love them and I did but then those feelings just go away little things tend to push me away things like calling me pet names. I don’t like having really close girl best friends that makes me uncomfortable and they don’t understand how I feel giving me too much attention or being too clingy. I need my space sometimes and I want someone that I’ll be able to be in my space and be OK with silence or not texting for a while because I’m busy I want someone to feel secure enough to be alone for a little bit so I can have time to get my energy back without constantly needing to be around me or talking to me because I get overwhelming and eventually draining and I can’t do that to myself I think in some ways it’s good to be picky but I just don’t give people a chance and that’s completely unfair. I think my problem is that I judge people by how they look when I should really be looking at myself first because I definitely need improvement. A lot of of my friends tell me that I’m pretty and that they think I’m very attractive, but it’s so hard to believe because when I look in the mirror, all I see is something I’m disgusted by and it almost makes me sick to look at myself sometimes but then other days I feel perfectly fine I can’t put it into words. I just want to feel seen and loved by someone that’s more of a friendship way but still a relationship. The friendship relationship dynamic has always been my favorite because there’s no crazy standards. You guys are best friends before dating, which I think is the best way to do it because then you actually get to know the person who who they are, but I don’t have that with anyone because I’m too scared to talk to new people I’m friends with so many gorgeous women and it genuinely hurts to be around them sometimes because I feel like I’m never gonna be as good as them never as pretty as them never good enough and it hurts so much that I think about myself this way and it’s crazy to think that a guy could change that or that I think a guy could change that at least when I know he couldn’t. I know I have to work on myself before I can get in a relationship and try and support someone else, but I don’t know what to work on. There’s so much I need to change and yeah, I have no idea where to start. I have no motivation. I have no support in that sense. My friends are here for me so as my family, but not in the way that I need which is why I want a partner, but I need a better myself first do you see the circle I’m stuck in? It really sucks to be in this kind of position and I’m sure there’s plenty of people that can relate to me.

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j Dating January 14, 2026 at 9:30 pm 0 0