Cheater

Ok, so I don't know how to start...
The reason I am here is because the thing that I want to share is something that affected my daily life.
I'm always feeling down and when I laugh all I feel is pain.
I cried almost every night as this gave me so much pain and I ever thought of ending my life coz I really feel painful about this.
I know this may sound petty and not important but it is because of a guy.
I know there is a lot of people with bigger problems and my problems are may not important as others but I need to seek help as I really cant move on.

It's been 3 months since he left me...
The main reason that we cant be together is because he lives in KL while here I am in Singapore...
He got married to someone else and it broke me so bad...
I cried the whole day the day he got married.
I didn't have any appetite to eat and I vomited several times.
What broke me the most is what he texted me on the day of his wedding.
He said he really cared for me and sorry for everything that had happened.
The thing is, he never confessed his feelings up only until he was getting married.
The day he told me he was getting married I blocked him everywhere which leads him to ask his friend to text me.
I ignored at first but then the friend keep pestering me and I gave him a chance to tell me what he really had tell me.
So he confessed that he actually love me and he said when I blocked him, he felt so empty that he actually cried.
But I need to tell you first, we did not declare any relationship.
But we constantly contact each other everyday for the past 3 years.
We would be on the phone before we fell asleep. He would always call me when he was inside the car on the way home. We would always watch movie together. Play games together. We were always there for each other.
So he actually have a girlfriend when we were keeping in touch and the girl never found out about me and that what broke me. He was dating someone and I didn't know until he confessed to me but that didn't stop me from contacting him. I was in love with him and the thought of him not being in my life made me sad. I was really attached to him.
He got away with this cheating until this day.
It felt really unfair how he can just leave me and be happy with his wife while here I am suffering.
People keep telling me to move on but they are not in my situation...
I know it is hugely my fault for putting hope that one day we will be together when he clearly said he wont do long distance relationship.
And now, I am suffering the consequences of being constantly in pain.
Nobody understand of how painful I am in right now. I just want to let it all out without being judged.
I know all of it is my fault but it just felt unfair...
It is really hard for me to be in love again when I still keep thinking about him.
I don't have the guts to delete every memory of him from my phone.
It will trigger me so bad...

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anonymous Relationships March 27, 2023 at 2:22 am 0 1