Can't be happy
It's not that I don't want to be happy, its a despite, no matter how hard I try, I cant bring myself to be happy. I feel suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed, and insecure. I mean, why did I have to be this way. Everyone says have good friends, a good life and have good grades, so why do I only see the insecure, grey and dark side? Nobody will ever see the pain that I carry. And in the in the end, I live 2 lives, 1 for the public, and 1 just for myself to criticize at night. I always feel like shit because of all this, and to add more stuff to this rant, I am the eldest child, "the responsible one", "the smart one", "the role model", but what they don't see in me as the oldest child, is that I have to be the on who is forced to be perfect and forced to grow up without enjoying my childhood. So in the end I can never be happy.Lianne Other January 19, 2026 at 3:58 am 1 0
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