What Do I Do With Myself?

I don't know. I went to therapy like Reddit loves to suggest yet again, and that didn't pan out. She supposedly worked on "men's issues," but our therapy revolved around childhood trauma and resetting my thoughts. Things I learned when I was hospitalized for suicide ideation.

I got my bachelor's finally though, and I re-enrolled to get my masters. They say grad school is for people who can't find work, and I can't find the job I'm after. No one cares about my degree, so a masters in project management it is. Complete overkill for the PMP, but that's fine. It'll be free for me anyway since I'm Potawatomi and my tribe will pay for it.

I've adopted a really cute cat who loves to cuddle. Never met a cat that gets so excited over belly rubs either, and it's fucking adorable.

But aside from that, what is there out there? Women are almost always boring. Not in the "not hot like Ariana Grande" way, but just in general. They're either alcoholics or possibly meth heads or boring. There's no middle ground. I lose interest so fucking fast and it's got nothing to do with their body. IDK why anyone would think me drinking is a good idea anyway. I've been hospitalized for suicide ideation. I'll drink until I throw up on people. That could happen 2 hours into the night OR not at all depending on how I pace myself, but there'll be a lot of alcohol consumed either way.

That's why I haven't drank in months, even though a few coworkers - including a woman - said I should drink more. We were gonna touch upon how women act like this in therapy, but then my therapist said I needed 988 instead, and other therapists won't touch it. Eat it Reddit. They straight up won't touch feminism because they know where that shit will go: suicide. No one wants to touch that shit. No one wants to touch women.

And personally I don't really care anymore because they aren't worth it anyway, but I don't know what I'll do once I get my master's. I didn't choose a field where I could get into a PhD program. If I had then there would've been that possibility I guess. A few more years to be "MyName, PhD". But now? There's really nothing. Once my cat goes and he's 7 IDK what I'll do. I'll stick around for him. He deserves to be happy. He's a really cute black cat and all. He didn't ask to end up in a shelter or so scared of dogs he didn't use his dirty litter.

Lord knows women sure as hell wouldn't fix the situation though. Poor thing would suffer until death finally gave him the escape he needs. Wouldn't surprise me if that's what happened.

Fuck them.

Something something I'm gay even though men are disgusting as fuck sexually. Fucking wish my brain was wired differently to be gay. It'd be so fucking easy to get a gay dude and live happily after. But that's too easy and my life can't be that easy.

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anonymous Other September 15, 2025 at 9:16 am 0 0