WHAT DAY WILL IT BE

When I finally succumb to all of what im feeling and just do it. I used to never think I could be capable of something like this. But everyday I keep on having the idea and it gets stronger and stronger. Why is everyone so much better without me? Why am I not missed? Why am I not wanted? Why do I have to beg? Why? Why? Am I too angry? Am I not kind? Am I manipulative? Am I evil? I don't fucking know anymore. I keep trying to make up for my mistakes and change myself but no one wants to do the same. Why am I not good enough for other people? Is the real me that bad? Again I don't know anymore. Why does my love feel like a waste. Why is everything going to waste. I'm so exhausted. I don't want to do any of this anymore. The only thing stopping me these days is the thought that I will destroy my mom's life if I do it. Having all her efforts go to waste. But what good is effort on a person like me I suppose. No one thinks I am worth it. No one checks. No one cares to know. No one wants me around. I miss when I felt wanted. I miss having friends who would check. I miss the love of my life. But no one wants me anymore. No one would care. I'm the only one who cares. No one cares. I should die. I think my death is soon. I'm scared, but it's getting harder to fight it away. Everyone thinks I'm too much. And I guess I am. So soon perhaps I would do everyone the favor and get on with it so they can be free.

---

anonymous Other June 07, 2025 at 9:16 pm 0 0