upset i guess

i don't even know where to start...

i guess i'm feeling a little lonely? but it also feels really bitter. i can't pinpoint for sure on what exactly more bitter about; myself or the people around me?

im upset. i told the two of you, my closest friends. one of you is leaving me on delivered while you go on call with the person you call with every night. the other leaves me to post on social media after telling me about how you were upset as well. the only person that bothered talking to me was the person the two of you thought you were better than. why is it always that way?

i dont know what to feel, i guess is shouldn't be expecting for any of you to be comforting me since i was never too good at it either. but why can't you just stay with me for a while? even if i dont know how to comfort people through words, i still listened patiently and stayed by you.

is it because you all see me as someone who cant possibly get very negative? i suppose that's somewhat my fault too. i'm the one who refuses to say anything in the first place. but how can i when the moment i try, you leave?

i only have the two of you, when you're all off chatting with tons of friends. yet you're always the one complaining to me about being lonely, while not even bothering to spend more time with me. i suppose i should also take fault in being.. boring.

my mind is hella messy.. im not getting to anything logical. i used to take some pride in not needing a lot of friends. you two were enough. but you all don't see me the same way. is it my fault? how do i make myself more interesting for you?

i'm really sad about being unable to get along with people, socialize and make new friends like you guys do. why am i such a bland person? i really don't know how to talk to people, how can i improve? it's not like i've never tried to practise, i've practised so much im tired. i've never complained about it, yet you are the ones that rants to me about not making friends. i guess that's the problem? would you have been more considerate if i did voice about it? i didn't think it was that necessary, i don't wanna seem troublesome. should i even be upset? i should be more understanding towards your rants right? but i've listened for years now, what more can i do to help you? why cant i find a way even after all this time to let you prioritize me more? you've always been my top priority. am i just too reliant on you? do i make you feel special like i hope i do? i dont feel special to you.

im going no where with this lol hsdhakcbeu

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anonymous Friends July 19, 2021 at 12:34 pm 0 0